My Dear Daughter,

The Other day, when you asked about Untouchable communities in Nepal, I knew you were wanting to know about those that are deprived from the privilege of being a human being in that society. Those that are barely alive fighting everyday for existence, struggling to survive on the bare minimum. You have no idea the corner of my heart you are opening up, the twinge that accompanies while talking about them. The minute you asked me to talk about it, the entirety of my heart went into a crisis — it started to race, thump thump thump and it felt like my heart was going to come out though my mouth. I started to feel nauseated. I could feel the sweat trickling on my forehead. My eyes went blurry and tears filled my eyes. The memory took me back to my old days. 

Those days, I was as adventurous as you are. I was all motivated to change the world like you are today. Those were the days we went venturing out to the communities to try to find out about them and hoping to do something for them. My friends and I were going to change the world and bring justice to ignored people in that community. A long time has passed since then. 

You had asked me to write about them months ago. You had said that your friends wanted to know about Untouchables in Nepali society. I was not ready to talk about it. My whole body was unprepared for it. My hands were not ready to write about it. My heart was not ready to revisit those faces that had pleaded for help. I wasn’t ready to revisit those old alleys again. 

The hardship that I witnessed, the anger and the frustration of those people are still vivid in my memory. They had pleaded and wanted to be out of the dehumanizing behavior of the orthodox society. Their strong desire to free their children from a life of suffering, still fresh in my conscience. They were optimistic that once their stories came out to the international community, it would bring the solution. They were hopeful that something positive would happen to their society. Their children would not have to face the hardship that they had faced. All they wanted was to be able to drink the water from the same well, able to walk side by side, head held high, and be able to sit down and eat together with everybody in larger society. That their children could go to school without any commotion. Their list was full of small acts that people with privilege would list as mundane.

They had complained of people doing research on them. They were frustrated for being treated as a scapegoat. Because they had been visited and promised a better life several times before. But nothing had changed yet. Those grievances were in my mind. That is why I had not not been able to put my pen on the paper and start writing about it. I am as guilty as many others. I had not been back there since that one visit a long, long time ago. I feel like I have failed them, like others. 

The year was 1993 and I was working with the Informal Sector service center (INSEC). I was young and enthusiastic and dedicated to social justice. My team was working with victimized women to give them a forum to share their stories. INSEC was dedicated to bringing out stories of Social injustice to the outside world. The organization was led by young and enthusiastic people. We wanted to explore, bring out stories of social injustices and eventually, provide relief to those concerned. Nepal had its first democratic election. There were many areas in the society that needed exploration and then exposure to the outside world. 

My team had been visiting different parts of Nepal and collecting data on systemic victimization of women due to social injustices. In far western Nepal, there is a system of victimization due to religious beliefs. Young girls are offered to the temple as “Dewaki” without their consent or knowledge. They are not allowed to marry or move away later in life. In the present day, this institution of exploitation has taken an ugly turn in society, by making it an under the table deal for rich people, as their offering to the god to fulfill their wishes. We wanted to study them and give them a forum, so they can share their pain and sufferings. That’s when we came in contact with Untouchables. 

I had heard about Untouchables while growing up,but had never met anyone from this community. It was never practiced in my house or in my neighborhood. I grew up in Eastern Nepal. Eastern Nepal, had basic infrastructures laid for development. There were roads that connected society to the outside world. I remember having the first telephone installed in our house. We were all very excited to be able to hear voices on the other end. We stared at it and ruminated on its mechanics all night long. Calling an exchange center and getting connected to another person on the other end was very fascinating for us. Sitting in front of the Untouchable community and listening to their heart aching stories made me feel so privileged. I felt so advantageous being born in a society that had basic development features for the betterment of the community. 

In contrast, Western Nepal is much more isolated. This isolation had helped to preserve Hindu Orthodoxy at its height. The dry harsh weather, rugged landscape, made lands less fertile, pushing the development behind. The roads were just getting built to connect west to the rest of the part of the county. The bridges were still awaiting construction. Surely, all these lack of development has pushed society behind on its development, making societal disparity more pronounced and rigid. 

Baitadi, is one of the furthest states with very little contact to the outside world. It is considered one of the less developed zones in Nepal. We flew from Kathmandu to Nepalgunj and got on a four wheel jeep. We left very early in the morning and drove all day. On several occasions we had to get off the jeep and walk across the river and ride a little further until we got to another unfinished bridge. This went on all day, until we got to Patan, jeep could go no further. So, we started to walk by foot. Eventually, late at night, we made it to Mellauli, a small village in Baitadi district, in farwestern region of Nepal. 

The sun had set a long time ago. The evening dusk had settled giving into the dark night. The air was cold but dry. I don’t recall a dinner but we were shown a place to settle for the night. Without much ado — we went to bed. 

I woke up with the peeping of the sun through the window. The dazzling of the light made my eyes blurry. I could smell the cow dung, the bed felt hard. The cold morning breeze was sweeping through the area making the smell unbearable. Then I realized we were in a cow shed. That’s where we were told to sleep for the night since there were no hotels in the area. We were exhausted, the idea of laying down sounded heavenly and we accepted without any complaint.

As soon as we woke up, we packed our sleeping bag and stepped out in the open air. The village looked like any other small mountain villages in Nepal. The cow shed, the house in a distance, some fruit trees around the house, and the kitchen garden. The fresh mountain air, the clear sky and rising sun, it was a nice environment. We had no job description. No dateline, no tie to anything. We were free to study the community and that is what we decided to do. 

We walked the village all day mostly on the other side, which indicates the resident of the “Dalit” (Untouchable) people. The term “Dalit” is used interchangably with the “Untouchables.” I recollect small mud houses with one room and some kind of skill-based work set up on the patio, like a sewing machine, old shoes laying around, the furness for the iron work. We were in the area of the “Dalits of Nepal,” the word I coined from Thomas Cox’s report on “Untouchables in Nepal”.

Thomas Cox is a M. A. Research Anthropologist in Nepal. According to Mr. Cox research, in Hindu Caste System there are Brahman, Kshtriya, Vaishya and Sudra. But in Nepal, it is categorized into Tagadhari (twice born), Matwali (liquor drinking) and Pani Na chalne (Untouchables). The third category are those who are associated with specific traditional occupations. They are considered to be ritually polluting. According to the rules of orthodox Nepali Hindu Brahmins, the Untouchables are not allowed into the house, any kind of physical contact with an Untouchable is considered polluting. If polluted by this kind of contact they would have to purify themselves with water. We were sitting on a “Khat”, (a traditional Nepali bed that is parked on a porch and used as a chair for the day) in a Dalits house. The father of the house was sharing his own experiences with sadness in his eyes as Mr. Cox had outlined in his report.

We spend hours listening to their stories of being Untouchable and living in Nepali society. The news of our presence in the village had spread like a wildfire. Gradually, people started to gather around us. Their strength and confidence started to build up. The numbers of participants who wanted to unleash their sad and tormented life stories started to increase. All the stories were very heart breaking. 

We followed them around that day. When the lady of the house headed to the water spout to fill her water pot, I followed her. I wanted to see myself, how anybody can deny filling a water pot in a public place. It was a very tormenting thought to my mind. I could not fathom an action like that. She was in front of me carrying an empty “gagri” (traditional water pot), I was behind her. We come to a split of the road. She pointed to the right for others to fetch water and she took a left turn. She, like many others in her society, are not even allowed to walk that way, because they might accidentally touch the incoming water carrier which will make the water and the person impure. Their routes are segregated like many other unjustified behavior toward them. 

According to her, the act of discrimination is so prominent in everyday life. The tea stalls in the market would not sell tea in a cup to Dalit. If a shopkeeper gives us tea in a cup out of kindness, we have to make sure that we clean the cups and plates before we pay for it. We can never sit and eat with others in the community. My child has to sit apart in a classroom, far away from others. We are not allowed inside the temple. Temple is a house of a God- how can anybody be denied from seeing a God? She had lots of questions but I had no answers for her. 

We went to school and could see that only the child was sitting apart from others. That frail, unkempt little boy had to be very vigilant and not touch anybody else in the class. Otherwise, his action would be punishable with beating. Most of the children in Dalit household helped with the house chores and avoided school. Parents that were gathered in front of us were in unison that there is no point in sending children to school. In their experience, they see no prospect of utilizing education in future. There had been several stories of descrimination on jobs that had been reported in newspapers. The children were happy to help parents and run around and play when time permits. 

According to the research of Mr. Cox, Untouchables can be divided into three categories according to their geographical region. The Untouchables of Tarai (southern plains) do not experience the discrimination as severe as Utouchables of Mid Hill Region. The Newar (ethnic group of Kathmandu) have a complex, highly stratified caste system too. The discrimination varies in intensity with geographical region and the interaction of the society with outer world. 

Nepal’s constitution of 1963 abolished the Maliki Ain (National Legal Code of 1853) and outlawed all the discrimination on the basis of the caste. And yet there is still a caste system in Nepal. The strength of the system varies, to a certain degree, from one part of the country to another. But the fact remains that individuals are still discriminated against in a variety of ways on the basis of their birth. 

The pain and suffering of those people were engraved in my mind and heart. I returned with the desire to make a difference in their life. I wrote about it. We provided a forum for the community to talk about it. Then the issue got picked up for further in-depth research by other organizations and eventually programs of economic developments were implemented. We had ignited the torch to burn down the gap of social disparity and discrimination. Even though the flame of equality will take time to spread, eventually setting them free, everybody free. 

But I still feel the twinge of guilt when the topic is brought up. Their request and their frustration still rings high in my ears. After that one visit, I never went back. The guilt sits heavily in my heart. I flew away to America, in an attempt to make my life. I was too busy struggling with my livelihood. I never followed through. I still don’t know if their desires are fulfilled. Can they drink water from the same well? Can they walk around with their head held high in their society? Are all the children in school? I will never know for sure until I see them again with my own eyes. The day I can sense their achievement and feel their joy of equality, I will know that the mission has been accomplished. Then I can tell you, yes!, there are no more Untouchables in Nepali society. Our efforts did make a difference. After all, it is not a bad idea to dream for a fair society. Go ahead and dream and act upon it. Anything is possible in this world, my child. 

With lots of love,

Mamu