It’s interesting that we live in a society that is preoccupied with fault, blame and deferral of responsibility. Then when people seem to be stuck, they don’t understand why.

Here’s the thing: Nothing is going to change until you DECIDE.

And within that decision to make choices to change your reality, lies a pivotal piece of the puzzle: “responsibility”.

So if you are stuck in your story, comfortable playing the victim or ready to blame the rest of the world for your life…

…how’s that workin’ for ya?

My life was transformed when I ended the blame game. When I shifted my mindset from victim to being fully responsible for everything that I was creating in my life, my sense of empowerment skyrocketed.

And just to clarify…I’m not talking about fault: It’s not your fault that you have trauma or were neglected or had a broken family or that there was abuse in your history…or whatever has happened to you.

But you are 100% responsible for healing and growing from those events.

You’re responsible for every choice you’ve made…

• to hold onto beliefs that don’t serve you
• to avoid forgiveness
• to cultivate anger
• to foster resentment
• to allow it to define who you are

…and these choices have placed you exactly where you are.

Personal responsibility isn’t really a topic we hear much about. We read about the value of self-forgiveness, self-compassion, and self-empathy, but we rarely read about responsibility or personal accountability.

These concepts of accountability or personal responsibility may seem unglamorous however they are extremely vital companions on your journey of self-development.

When we lack personal responsibility, we lack the ability to truly move forward with our lives. We become permanently stuck in poisonous patterns of self-victimization. However, when we become accountable for our thoughts, feelings, and choices, we regain power over our lives.

What Are We Responsible For?

Responsibility means different things to different people depending on their circumstances.

What you are NOT responsible for:

• Someone else’s feelings
• Someone else’s happiness
• Someone else’s choices

What you ARE responsible for:

• Holding onto the pain of what happened to you
• Refusing to forgive
• Cultivating anger
• Fostering resentment
• Allowing negative experiences to define who you are
• Every choice you make
• Your reality

Taking responsibility for your own emotions, feelings, thoughts and perspectives is the single greatest factor that will facilitate change in your life.

Why Do We Avoid Personal Responsibility?

We avoid personal responsibility for a number of reasons either intentionally or unintentionally bypassing responsibility for ourselves in life.

• We may lack self-awareness resulting in feeling disconnected from our deepest needs and values
• We may suffer from low self-esteem and the belief that we aren’t really “that important” or “that worthy”
• We may be holding mistaken beliefs absorbed into our subconscious through our environments, interactions and experiences.
• We may have habits formed as children that haven’t been let go of in adulthood.

Denying personal responsibility can range from a very subtle habit to a deeply entrenched conscious belief about life.

“Responsibility is accepting that you are the cause and the solution of the matter.”

How to Be Accountable For Your Life

Taking personal responsibility is a deep form of self-respect and in taking responsibility we empower ourselves to change. It is knowing that the only person you are accountable for is yourself and that everything you create (or don’t) is because of the choices that you make.

1. Take ownership for your thoughts, feelings, words and actions.

To take responsibility for your life, is to take responsibility for your mind, emotions, speaking and acting, because you create your life with your thoughts, feelings, words and behaviour. What this means is that no one has control over you and you don’t control anyone else. When you’re responsible for yourself, you’re empowered in your life and no one can push your buttons or make you say or do anything.

2. Pinpoint the ways you are avoiding responsibility

We often play out old patterns of behavior without even knowing it because we’re avoiding responsibility or playing the victim.

Narrow down the places, situations and people in your life that trigger self-denial and a victim mindset. Journalling is a particularly useful tool that fosters self-reflection and organizes thoughts and inner awareness.

3. Stop blaming, complaining and making excuses

Stop blaming other people, situations or your upbringing for your mistakes. Blaming keeps you stuck in your story and powerless in victim mode, robbing you of the ability to change your situation.

Complaining is another form of blaming and playing the victim as if you have no choice. It also shows that you focus on lack, things going wrong, things happening to you. In everything not going according to plan, there is a gift, there is a bigger picture.

Making excuses about your choices or lack of choice robs you of the ability to learn from your mistakes. If there’s no personal accountability, there’s no room for understanding and growth. Once you take responsibility for all of your choices, negativity silences because there is a renewed sense of understanding of the purpose of the experience.

4. Don’t take things personally.

Don’t assume that everything is about you. Don’t take disagreement as a personal attack. Remember, you don’t have control over how other people respond, you only have control over your response.

5. Make yourself happy.

Taking responsibility for your happiness is liberating. Recognize that happiness does not come from the outside and it’s no one else’s responsibility to MAKE you happy. Like everything else, happiness is a choice but the gateway to happiness is through gratitude. Practice this daily.

6. Live in the present moment.

Life is now. There is only one moment, now. We cannot change the past nor can we control the future. Choose your thoughts carefully in every moment and create awareness of what you are thinking and feeling. This then allows you to interrupt thoughts that do not serve you.

7. Use the power of intention.

You have the power to choose. Live intentionally by deliberately making choices to move you forward toward manifesting your vision. This is consciously taking responsibility for your life.

8. Stop taking responsibility for others.

No matter how helpless, weak or lost the adults in our lives may seem, the ultimate responsibility for their wellbeing comes from THEM. Even with the best of intentions, we can end up enabling behaviour instead of facilitating change.

At the end of the day, your primary responsibility is your wellbeing. So while it is important that you show concern for others, you must accept that you can only do so much to help.

Recognizing that you are not responsible for others AND that you have the power to create whatever you want in life, is liberating.

9. Look for the good in people.

Exercising compassion and empathy towards others will help you understand the intentions behind people’s behaviour. So often when we understand where someone comes from, we let go of judgment. Remove the labels that we instinctively apply to people’s behaviours that give us permission to judge them harshly.

Recognizing that you are not responsible for others AND that you are 100 % responsible for everything you’ve created in your life, is liberating. This understanding changes your perspective on the purpose of making mistakes and the degree to which we have the power within our own lives.

You are responsible for either learning and growing from your life lessons or using them as a crutch to explain why you “just can’t”.

So if you want someone to save you, that’s not going to happen. That’s not how this works.

And you don’t want it to anyways.

Freedom comes easily once you no longer have the obligation to change someone else’s life and you understand that have the power to change your own.

Challenge yourself to take responsibility for everything that you’ve created.

See that you are in the driver’s seat in your life.

Sense the shift in how empowered you actually feel.

xo