“To a certain extent, we’re all just winging it. We’ve never lived this life before and the world has never quite been this way. The way through today is to be true to yourself and to others, look for the bright side but don’t become blind to things that need to be fixed, and try to exhale and smile at all the good that’s in your life today. Repeat again tomorrow.” ~ Zoe Zantamata

For most of my life I’ve loved quotes that are concise, eloquent statements of some universal truth. Or at least truth as it appears to me. When someone finds the words I was unknowingly searching for, strings them like diamonds or pearls on a beautiful necklace, and gifts them to me, it makes my heart sing. This is one of the beauties of life I enjoy immensely.

Recognizing a truth is often fairly easy, but implementing this truth is just as often rather difficult in real life. Why? I was told in graduate school that by being “aware”, I would be much more successful in my endeavors. Seemed to make sense. No one told me what the process was for becoming aware, however. What did it really mean? Aware of what? Which sorts of questions would I need to ask myself in order to produce awareness, and what parts of my life should be included or excluded from the questions being asked? Would I automatically know when I was ‘aware enough’ that I could cease my efforts to become aware? Would the whole process be considered a failure if I failed to bring this awareness into some unknown part of my life? The questions multiplied as I started to ask them.

I read books, I googled, I asked people – “What is awareness?” Do you feel you are aware? Of what? How has that helped you? Do you need more awareness? How do you know? What are you doing to make that happen? It’s probably obvious by now that I am a person of both reflection, and action. My brain does not often think in sentences, but in sensations and pictures – not quite feelings, but not devoid of feelings either. It is this that can present difficulties in putting my thoughts into words. I blame my brain’s chosen cognitive style for the fact that math has never come easy for me. I celebrate my process of thinking because it helps me understand people. I do not need to be good at all things. Oh wait, is that some awareness? How did that happen?

I’ve become fascinated by the actual process of not just recognizing a truth, not just feeling good about that lightbulb moment – but of discerning how this recognition highlights a need in my own life, then deciding to take action, and determining what actions must be taken. Change happens through what we do differently. It does not come about by simply recognizing something beautiful, and then moving on to the next beautiful thing. It involves some effort. But you know this. We all intuitively know this, so why aren’t we all amazing aware loving gifted healthy people at this point?

Zoe’s quote above, “the way through is to be true to yourself and to others” – that seems true, since the alternative would be to NOT be true to myself and others. Am I true to myself and others? Yes. It is important to me to have my words aligned with my actions. To say true things, and to not be complicit with untrue things simply by remaining silent. So this part of the quote is a truth for me, and is in practice.

The next part, “look for the bright side but don’t become blind to things that need to be fixed”- is a little harder. It’s easier to focus on the good stuff, and not see the big pink elephant in the room. What elephant?! How do I simultaneously focus on the good things, and also on the things that I need to work on? I had a professor whom I loved dearly, and one of her sayings was, “It doesn’t have to be ‘either/or’, it can be ‘both/and’!” This is brilliant.

I was raised in a black and white strict religious society, and never was it more clear that this was how my brain operated than when I took a multiple choice test my first year of college. I only saw the first two options, A or B, and completely missed C and D, both of which included various combinations of A and B. Nope. I only saw “this, or that”. I thought to myself, well, it’s really neither – but I have to choose one! So I did, and of course the choice was wrong. It simply didn’t occur to me to think that there might be other options, I literally didn’t even see them. When I got the test back and saw there were actually other options listed, I was flabbergasted. How had I not seen them? Black or white. Choose, and choose now – that’s all my brain could see. But I learned something that day – look harder, there’s often some grey. Maybe, just maybe, I can learn to appreciate the beauty around me, and also put some effort into changing that which needs to be changed. Both-And. What? Did more awareness just happen?!

The last part of the quote – “Try to exhale and smile at all the good that’s in your life today” – whew! Yes. This I can do. This I am already good at, and yet I also seek to improve even more. Both. And.