Taking the step to get somber was the hardest decision I had to make, not because of the drug itself, but because of what I had to do. I had to heal, it was scary to feel all the things that had broken my heart and soul. I had to face myself for the actions and decisions I had made while I was deep in my addiction. I had to face everyone that I had hurt when I was hurting.

The first time I tried to get somber it did not work; I was not ready to face the pain I had caused and I had felt so lost trying to find myself out of this endless maze of pain. I had to heal from the trauma that I was triggered of most of the time, I was afraid of everything even of my own shadow. I was fighting for everything I had in my life, even for my own life at times. I have always been afraid to face the hurt that I had caused to the people who meant the world to me. Like how can I do that them when I love them so much.

I faced what I could at the time, which I am happy that I did, because if I did not, I do not think I would have gotten somber again or be here. Even though I had failed, I had learnt that I needed stronger boundaries and that the people who were in my life at the time were only thinking about the money I had provided.

The second time I got somber was the best decision I had made and it stuck. My boundaries are invincibility but my heart is open to the people who are good in my life. It was the hardest and the scariest thing I have ever done but it the best thing I could have ever done. I had sat with my shadows, cried till I could not breathe and kept crying till I couldn’t feel sharp pain my chest. I have overcome the fear of the man who has hurt me in every way possible with my strength and will not let him control me again.

I know, the things I have to say will help someone even if it is one person, but it needs to be heard.