Every time that you have to be right you are telling the other person that they are wrong …. take a second and think about it.

Now think how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

How do you feel when you lose an argument?

How do you feel when you’re told “You Are Wrong!” ?

It kinda sucks, doesn’t it?

Nobody wants to be wrong and or made feel that way.

This goes for everyone, but I want to talk to you empty-nester moms, right now.

Every single time when you have a difference of opinions with your children (no matter what age) and you have to be right which is a lot if not most of the time cause you know better (be brutally honest here) imagine how your child feels.

Unheard, dismissed, hurt, not valued…. shall I go on?

Need to be always right is also a need for control and nobody likes to be controlled, especially our children after a certain age.

I used to pride myself on having a great relationships with my boys.

Yes, it was great from my point of view …. my interpretation.

Of course, I had to yell a lot because …. and here comes one of my excuses …. “they are boys and they don’t react to a calm voice”.

What I didn’t know then or what I didn’t want to admit to myself was that my boys did everything I wanted them to do just to make me stop even if I was wrong which I would never admit of course.

They had no voice. Just like I didn’t have a voice when I was their age ….. sin of a father or sin of a mother scenario right there.

The funny thing is (well, it’s kinda sad, really) that I always said that I will never treat my children the way I was treated by my parents.

Then, one day my boys grew up and they actually got their voices.

Now we had double sided screaming matches where, of course I was still the WINNER! Where I was always right!

Things were bad. I was losing my boys, but I was not willing to admit that everything I did was because I needed the control! I needed to be right! I am the mother and I am the only one who knows what’s best for them!

Then this thing happened ……

My mentor asked me a question:

“If you were to ask others how easy you are to be in a relationship with, what would they say?”

Oh, snap!!!

Then it went little further and I had a huge realization.

My boys have their on path. They have to make their own choices. They have to learn from their own mistakes,

By wanting to be always right I was judging them …. I was judging their choices.

Who am I and who gave me the right to judge?

Am I willing to lose my boys over being always right?

It was only a matter of when not if. I had to change …. ME …. not them.

I had to take 100% responsibility for the failing relationships.

So hear me, fellow empty-nester moms:  Do you want to have a close relationship based on mutual love, trust and respect with your children?

Give up the control! Give up the need to be always right!

Make sure they are heard, valued and respected and they will mirror that back to you.

Learn from my mistakes … I used to be the “always right” …. “ I know better” …. “my way or the highway” mom getting triggered every single day while slowly destroying relationship with my boys.

I was there standing on my soapbox waving my flag of self-righteousness.

So next time when you catch yourself standing on your soapbox ready to “be right” just take a breath …. hop off … have a two way honest and open conversation with your children.

You will get so much more Joy of being an Empty-nester when you know that you have a beautiful and healthy relationship with your children.