I know for sure there things that happen for a reason, sometimes even lessons we don’t realize at the time. What I realized when sitting across from the person I interviewed with this week was, it’s time for a change in my life. While I conquer some of the fears I have, ones that still hold me back in ways, I feel that my luck is changing. This was also my first in person interview in years, and oddly enough during a pandemic. Wearing mask across from each other, the only thing that you can see is the eyes and their prospective. I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing, but this is what we are looking at for who knows how much longer. Our new “normal” has arrived, in ways we can’t predict. I don’t expect to get that position, but it felt good to get my feet wet in a different field.

My goal after my current position ends is to work in a Drs office. Medical secretary, unit coordinator or patient access rep is what I’m shooing for. The interview was for the latter of the three, and being in the office and viewing all of what it had to offer, I felt comfortable. Not totally at ease, but that just tells me something else is on the horizon, to challenge me more. I haven’t had that in life for years, it’s been the same over and over, the routine never changing. I could walk around the hospital blindfolded at this point, because my steps have never changed. That in itself proves to me now is the time to make my move.

While we are still in a pandemic, there are more options out there to grow, and still maintain my writing career as well. To be recognized more now for what I put into print, that’s a proud feeling. I remember when I first starting doing this, how unsure I was at how long I could keep it going. Taaury37, has achieved and succeeded everything I set out for it to be. When I’m asked where to find this blog, I can give the direct address or say Google it. Creating a blog that was meant to inspire, and seeing it being viewed by people around the world, is amazing. Analytics don’t lie, they are what keeps this alive and breathing, as do new and older subscribers, who I appreciate more than you will ever know.

In one of my darkest moments the other day after my second panic attack, Ace and I had a long talk. Between the tears and word vomit, I explained what I felt was happening. That I hold myself back out of fear, of the unknown and not feeling as though I am worthy. As I’ve mentioned previously, the person who is most critical of me is the one who looks back in the mirror. The more disappointed in myself I become, the more loathing happens. Those are the 2 sides of Taaureane, happy and content with life or the polar opposite, lost within myself. He asked me a question: “ Who is better than you Taaury?” My response was many others, ones who are qualified for more than what I’m capable of. He laughed and said, “you need to stop being afraid of you and your potential”. The thing is he’s correct, I am afraid of what I can and will accomplish in the future. It sometimes takes another perspective for me to see that, as my husband he provides that razor sharp view. He also sees through my bullshit and I need that, we’re both very stubborn people, but love each other fiercely.

The pedestal I put myself on, tips back and forth and I don’t want to fall off. This bird is ready to fly, but my wings won’t cooperate. As a reminder to myself, I go back to the beginning, where it all started as a 14 year old girl in a magazine store. That was my first real job, counting newspapers and inventory. What I learned back then still resonates with me today, we all start small and somewhere. Gaining steam along the way is important, but we must not lose the ways of old, they hold valuable lessons that we apply as adults. Whatever career path I take I know this much is true: I’m a survivor of what circumstances have been thrown my way in life, I’ve used them to build a secondary career and I’m surrounded by endless possibilities. My goal in life is to be happy, healthy and have the peace of mind we all seek. Every day is a new start to rebuilding what was broken inside of me, and with every beat of this heart I feel more alive.

Take Care,

Taaury