One of the wonderful things about living in a temperate climate is the spring. Each year it brings a renewed sense of hope. Today’s bright morning’s full of blossoming buds and birds tweeting wildly. When I hear the words ‘forever chemicals’ I think of romance, blissful eternal love – those erotic bonds that bind us together, or should that be forever chemistry? Anyway, whatever, at least the natural world’s making love, wild babies can again fill our hedgerow, meadows and moorlands.

We humans do need a narrative, faith in our future, a story of hope and spring is a wonderful place to start. Last night I discovered we’re on the edge of extinction. We’ll soon be wiped out, humanity only that is, the birds and the bees can happily continue without our eight billion strong, plastic producing, parasitic selves. Still, for us, the concept’s a little sad. We’ve devastated by the three million or so passing away through this global pandemic. It makes you wonder what a species wipe out would feel like. The nice thing however, about this planetary clean up is babies will gradually stop getting born so it’ll be more of a gentle slow down rather than a traumatic wipe out, but then the thought does still feel dam right depressing. I’m actually longing for, well look forward too, my grandbabies. Well, chances are they’re probably still coming, I may even get a girl in my life, a granddaughter, but that poor young woman may never find herself fulfilled.

Our future’s failing through the genitals. Shrinking dick syndrome. Coming could well be a thing of the past. Apparently, men’s penises are getting smaller as sperm reproduction reduces. In twenty five years, counts could hit zero. However, the birds and the bees will most likely flush as they’ll be able to replenish themselves in peace.

It’s inconceivable, how could this possibly happen to humanity. I’d love to be a forever fly on the wall. We’ve properly populated the planet and forensically farmed it too. There’re nearly a billion cows on this earth. A human free scenario could enable all other animals to thrive. The contained number would drop, but I bet once they’re worked out how to escape their pens, they’ll all do fine, after all they’re not wrapping themselves in plastics.

The chemicals to blame are found in everything from plastic containers and food wrappers, to waterproof clothes and fragrances in cleaning products, to soaps and shampoos, to electronics and carpeting. Some of them are called PFAS, known as “forever chemicals”, because they don’t breakdown in the environment or the body. They just accumulate and accumulate, doing more and more damage, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.

Ironically it’s through the penis that humanity is reaching breaking point. However, there may be the chosen few, who escape the chop, those that run to the hills, drink from natural springs and eat mountain cows – ones that have never grazed on the low plains of toxic earth. Anyway, a lovely thought – us ageing folk who’ve produced our sprogs may never see the end.