I’m taking this time for myself.

The patchwork quilt of my life needs a little mending,

A little close-eyed focus,

A little love and attention.

Recently,

I watched with pride and

Unbridled joy,

As my five-month-old daughter

Brought a soother to her mouth.

All by herself.

It might not be much,

But it was a “first.”

And I didn’t miss it.

Because I wasn’t looking elsewhere—

At what He’s doing

She’s doing

They’re doing.

I was looking at my little girl

My phone,

God knows where.

I’m not saying that I don’t get it—

Instagram,

Facebook,

Tik Tok.

It’s a connection to something other than yourself.

Bigger than yourself.

But, for me,

It’s a connection I now realize

I

Don’t

Need.

Everything that matters is in my home—

My comfy, eclectic living room,

The trees that shade our yard,

My husband,

Our dog,

And our sweet baby girl.

I looked at social media and I felt compelled.

Compelled to share.

Compelled to follow.

Compelled to virtually invite strangers into my sanctuary.

I don’t want to share that with anyone.

I don’t want my sweet girl on display.

And I don’t care what you’re doing.

Or why.

Or that if I like,

Save-for-later,

And subscribe,

You can teach me how I can do it too.

All I need

I have.

A realization has come over me.

No,

That’s not the right word.

A knowing.

A deep,

Profound,

Unquestionable,

Inner knowledge;

I have—

We all have—

A limited time in this life.

On this earth.

Limited time with

Our families,

Our pets,

Our babies,

Our selves.

And it is fleeting

So fleeting.

Ever-changing.

Blink and it’s gone.

I can’t be bothered to waste another minute,

No,

Another second

Not totally,

Fully,

Blissfully,

Immersed in my own life.

I will watch with full attention

As my daughter grows,

And my dog turns grey.

I will be fully present with my husband

As he tells me about his day,

And we talk about

Our dreams,

Our plans.

I will dress in my most beautiful clothes

Not for anyone to see,

But because in them, I feel beautiful.

I will experience daily gratitude

And joy

And love

And I won’t once think to pull out my phone

Fearing that if I didn’t post it, did it even happen?

I’m done with seeking validation to my life.

So,

If you need me,

I’ll be sitting with my husband

Drinking a smooth, red wine

Watching our daughter and dog play

In the grass.

In the sunshine.

But you won’t be able to find me.

~