You’re so stupid.  How could you let yourself do that AGAIN?  AGAIN! I know. I am fucking useless. How many times are you going to justify it with ‘but it’s unprecedented times?’  Face it you are numbing, being lazy and playing the victim again. See? Just pinch that fat, feel those rolls of flab around that middle, you used to be so slim, all those lovely figure-hugging clothes you use to wear sitting in the wardrobe tormenting you whilst they gather dust.  Now you have to order two pairs of Spanx at a time to suck it up and pull it in whilst wishing happy thoughts, ignoring those thighs.  Thighs that touch, no nice slim thighs here, nope, wobbly ones that rub at the top. What do they call it, those legs you use to be blessed with a few years ago?  TDT – Thighs Don’t Touch… God I miss that body.  Could be worse, they could create sores, thankfully not there yet! I pray I never will be.  I fucking hate my body. I eat well, I intermittent fast, sometimes up to 20 hours a day. I’ve done vegan, paleo, keto, juiced, mung bean souped it, skipped meals, reduced my portion sizes as well as exercised.  I guess I could do more? That hour a day isn’t enough.  All those people on YouTube and your nutritionist say to rest.  Give the adrenals a rest because it causes problems for the thyroid, use weights, don’t do cardio, rest more days.  Don’t do the two hours a day at the gym you were doing, GOD I MISS THE GYM!  Walk more; Fucking walk more? Walking has given me calf muscles like a long-distance cyclist, can’t even fit my reliable sexy over the knee boots on now.  As for sex, I would LOVE some sex!  Been so long I’m like a born-again virgin.  Stupid cow whose ‘gonna want to have sex with you?  That belly wobble is going to put any nice, good-looking guy off.  Bit like a lemon meringue pie without the sweetness, just a wobbly middle covered in fluff from the oversize frocks you now wear.  Fuck that belly and it’ll keep rocking for an age.  Actually, who is going to want you anyway.  Not only are you fat you are also over the age of anyone wanting a ‘younger model’.  Botox helps but fuck, the ‘Deputy Dog jowls’ are something else.  ‘Four chins and a moustache’ that should be your profile name…fucking internet dating, great sell yourself why don’t you…’Hot flushing, sweaty, hairy, menopausal woman seeks, good looking, solvent guy who doesn’t mind riding a whale’…how on earth am I ever going to find a man? ‘No fat slappers in this household’…wish I could block those words like I never heard them repeatedly.  Wish they weren’t so ingrained in my psyche that every time I look in the mirror, I don’t see FAT, FAT, FAT but for once my vision would show me something different.

Right, where did I put that glass?