It’s helpful to be collecting, sorting, tidying up and posing a few words. For a long time l was more spasmatic – words piling up on computer files. Now, at least they’re structured and attempt to connect with the vast unknown, or rather I’m existing beyond my closed doors.

Even when I get completely ignored, it’s good to scribe and not regurgitate someone else’s crap. Well thank you, I tends to be liked by a few, but they can be scrollers, flashing past, seeing your petty stolen photos. I like often. Well it’s a strange intrusive experience to find yourself on someone else’s timeline without some sort of private conversation. I do occasionally check who was that again, when the photo doesn’t make sense with the name.

Thank you, friends, those who do reed and recall me amidst all of this. It about connecting to the reader, well sharing, existence. I’ve finished with my family or rather they’ve grow out of me and worst still, I’ve finally been stopped, forced to settled. Lockdown into the simple life. Tranquil takes a lot to get used to. My worlds become very different in these strange lockdown’s times. The usual outlets to meet and chat are gone. I’m living in a house of men, who simply no matter how they try, don’t sit down and communicate in the same way.

It’s a lonely old life, but it’s also different too and I like it, in a settled type of way. You have so much more time to examine, be horrified at then accept. That’s the scary part, it’s all become about the self, one’s relationship with alone. Before lockdown there will so much to do. Well so many distractions. Without thinking I shelved things because there was so many immediate to avoid yourself with.

Recently I can’t be the only one who’s got caught thinking about death. If not your own that of those around you, but one inevitable end can make you fearful. I don’t know of any underlined health problems, but then I avoid doctors a little. I’m polite, but I don’t do pills. I’ve not had the vaccine and I waiting with mixed emotions.  I mean due to my age and my biomass index I could be a certain dead, well maybe not, but you do get to an age when you’re on your final journey, yet I still could have half a life in years. Well, whatever, it could be a lot of time, a lot of carry on. One needs to step up, reconnect, but it’s a strange one, being left in a quiet place and encouraged to question your own…  x