I have always known that I have been here before and that this isn’t my first rodeo. It was an inner knowing and the core feeling that I am here again to learn. It is often said that growth on Earth is only achieved through pain or suffering. To me, this seems so extreme and frankly pisses me off. I have always felt different even as a child and never have quite fit in. But I have always understood that I am here to learn, expand and help others. It is the methodology that I have a problem with.

I was newly married and in probably the happiest stage of my life when I was called to visit my past lives to learn how they were affecting me in this life. I am not sure why this was happening at such a happy time in my life but I knew it held answers about my childhood and would shed light on who I really am. Maybe even with all the happiness, I was experiencing it didn’t fulfill me like I thought it would. Obviously, I still needed some clarity and answers that would hopefully bring about some healing.

I had a friend at the time who wasn’t very spiritual but was curious so she agreed to take a past life regression class with me at the local junior college in our city. My husband at the time thought it was pointless but pretended as he always did to support my latest crazy spiritual escapade. The first night of class the instructor who was in his 70’s explained the hypnosis process and how he would guide us through the experience. He explained that we would not cluck like chickens or see horrible things we didn’t want to see. He assured us that we would simply be very relaxed and completely aware of our surroundings. He said it would be like seeing a movie playing in our mind and watching it from an objective point of view. My friend was more nervous than me about the whole thing so this made her feel better. He asked that if we were sitting next to somebody we knew to please move as to not distract each other during the hypnosis session. So I moved directly across the room from my friend and sat on an elevated stage.

Even as a child I was very receptive to suggestions. In middle school, I attended slumber parties practically every weekend. Part of our nightly ritual would be to play a game called two fingers. We would take turns lying down with the other girls sitting all around us with one at our head who would rub our temples and tell a horrific story about our latest schoolboy crush. Then at a certain point when the girl seemed to be in a trance, we would each put two fingers beneath her and try to lift her up. Most of my friends would be lifted about three feet off the ground and then wake up probably due to fear and instantly become heavier. We could no longer support her weight and down she’d go. I, on the other hand, would go into such a trance state that they would carry me above their heads throughout the house. One time I did wake up while high above their heads and came crashing down onto the marble floor. I didn’t volunteer as much for that game after that.

Given this history, I had high hopes that I would indeed get hypnotized. I stared at my friend from across the room as the instructor explained that he was going to hypnotize all of us back to the time right before we were born in this life. He said he believed that, believe it not, we all picked our parents. He said that we will see them and discover why we picked them to be our parents in this life. The next part of the hypnosis would be to bring our awareness to ourselves at 3 and then 6 months in utero. He said we would not experience the birth process because it can be very traumatic.

I closed my eyes and was absolutely aware of where I was and just felt very relaxed. All I can say is that for me, it is like watching a movie about yourself but you are objective and non-emotional about what you are seeing. In some past life regressions I saw myself being killed but witnessing it did not bring up any emotions, I knew that was me then and not now. Also, I saw many family members in past lives. I would see a character in the past and then in front of their face a picture of my family member in this life would flash several times until I acknowledged it was them.

The instructor then asked us to see ourselves before being born into this life. I saw myself as energy and beings of light were telling me that I had to be incarnated again into a human form. My reaction to this was visceral. I started begging and pleading with everything I had to please not go back to earth. I have never felt that strongly about anything in this lifetime as I did at that moment. I was physically overtaken by fear and dread that I fell to my knees with my hands in the prayer position crying and shaking my head vigorously back and forth. Saying please, I beg of you, please don’t make me go back. It was so intense that I couldn’t control my physical body and I started to whimper and couldn’t stop shaking my head back and forth. I knew I was with thirty people in a college classroom and that I am whimpering and shaking my head pleading but I couldn’t control myself. It had taken over.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that my friend across the room was not able to be hypnotized. As a matter of fact, we attended this class for several months and she never did get hypnotized not even one time. I later found out that her father had sexually abused her for years as a child. I believe she could not allow herself to risk seeing any memories or trauma from those experiences. So she had no choice but to sit and watch me from across the room. Everyone else sat still with their eyes closed and seemed relaxed and fine. I on the other hand was obviously in distress. She didn’t know what to make of it and flagged her arms to get the instructor’s attention and pointed to me. He walked over and stood by me and motioned to her that I was fine.

The next phase of the regression was to pick our parents. I saw my father and all I could think was “Oh God, he is going to hurt me”. He didn’t say anything to me or show any emotion but I knew either due to karma or our soul contract that he was going to hurt me. I then saw my Mother and thought I am happy to be with her again and hoped that she would protect me from him. That turned out to not be the case.

When he prompted us to bring ourselves to three months in utero I was suddenly in the fetal position and floating in warm fluid and felt content. I could hear my mother’s gastric noises and the blood pumping through her abdomen. I had room to move and felt safe. He then prompted us to move on to six months in utero and the entire feeling and situation took a drastic turn. Suddenly I was no longer floating and couldn’t move due to there not being enough room. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and was gasping for air. The feeling of suffocation was so strong that I was physically gasping for air. I am aware that I am in a classroom full of people and am making a complete fool out of myself. I was opening my mouth and making an awful desperate sound for air. Kind of like a fish out of water. So I tried to stop and a few seconds later I had to make the biggest gasp yet to keep from dying.

My poor friend across the room is horrified and once again flags down the instructor. He stands by me and put his hand on my shoulder and told me that I am ok and I can breathe. That helped a lot and then he quickly took us through the process of waking up from our hypnotic state. When I opened my eyes I felt embarrassed and when I saw the look on my friend’s face, I knew what I thought happened to me actually did.

When I got home that night, I told my then-husband what happened and he pretended to empathize with me but it was clear that he didn’t believe a word I said. I sat in bed and called my mother. I asked her point-blank what in the hell was going on with her when she was six months pregnant with me? She was startled by the question and could hear the urgency in my voice and she replied “Well, I married your father because I was pregnant with you and didn’t really love him so I felt trapped. He was in Viet Nam at that time and I was scared to death. I was alone and wasn’t ready to be a mother so I was suicidal”. I was shocked by her confession and I replied “ Well, you damn near killed me, too”.

This was my first time experiencing a past life and it was both traumatic and incredibly insightful. It verified what I had always felt that I was unwanted. My grandmother told me again and again how difficult my birth was and that my mother was largely in denial that she was having a baby up until the moment I was born. She did not cooperate during the labor and delivery to the point she refused to push in order to deliver me. I had been told that I barely survived my birth but what I didn’t know was that I almost was miscarried at six months.

My friend and I completed this class together and I had amazingly detailed past life regressions. I think for me the movie that I see in my mind is perhaps more detailed and stronger than for a lot of people. The instructor couldn’t help but notice this and seemed to be fascinated by the amount of detail that I can access. He invited me to come to a weekend retreat for past life regression and I was thrilled to have the opportunity to work with him some more. I found that I was learning so much about myself, my current relationships, and how the universe works.

Some of the past lives that I experienced explained some of my preferences and dislikes in this life. For example, I have never wanted to visit or travel to England. I didn’t know why but you would be hard-pressed to get me to step foot onto British soil. Well, I discovered why through a past life regression. I saw myself as a tall, thin, dark-haired man with a handlebar mustache. It was the turn of the century and I had a private practice in London as a pediatrician. I was still single and in my late thirties which was unusual at that time. This was during the reign of Jack the Ripper. The authorities thought that he might be a physician and I became a person of interest because I was odd, single and my office was in close proximity to where some of the murders took place. I, therefore, became a suspect. I was being interrogated by Scottland Yard and they would routinely show up at my office and home unannounced and harassed me for months. You can imagine what this did to my career as a pediatrician? I honestly think that this both broke my heart and ruined my career not to mention my life. That is why I never wanted to go back. I felt I was a good man, trying to help children and the British people betrayed me beyond measure.

Some of my most profound healing from past life regression was a better understanding of my family dynamics and relationships. I saw my family members in different roles in many lives. I was able to witness the hurt or wrong-doing that we did to each other. Which gave me great insight into our relationship in this life. If you believe in karma then past life regression can help you understand what karmic ties or debt you may have with others. The way hypnosis works are the unconscious mind will show you the lives that have an impact on you now. It recalls lives that had some of the same souls that you are within this life. And, will reveal to you what you need for your highest good.

I cannot stress enough how insightful this process can be. It heals you in so many different ways. For some people, it is proof that there is life after death. They believe only in what they can see. Past life regression allows them to see and experience what they thought to be utterly impossible. This can dismantle some deep belief systems and hopefully replace them with hope and peace instead. There is no denying that we live many times and with some people again and again. They are our soul tribe which helps explain why some people we meet are instantly familiar. We don’t why but we feel a deep sense of connection or comfort. Think about how you felt almost immediately with people that are in your life. Many of them are part of your soul family.

Experiencing this gives us a feeling of order and purpose for what happens to us. That there is a greater plan and not everything is just up to chance. Maybe some things that happen are fated and people do come into our lives for a reason. And that what happens here can be fixed or healed in another life. We are all human and with that comes the ability to hurt or judge one another. Remember at a soul level, these painful experiences are transformed into growth, wisdom, strength, and eventually expansion. That is the reason we are all here and in order to ascend, we must come here again and again. I highly recommend that if you want a better understanding of yourself and your life purpose that you take a peek into where who with and what you’ve learned in previous lives. It offers healing and insight into how the universe works and the part you play in it.