My Dear Daughter,

We popped the champagne bottle in the middle of the night and watched the virtual ball drop in our living room. Your father could not hold out and went to bed. He must have been exhausted with 2020 and decided to welcome 2021 in his sleep. You, your brother, and I waited and welcomed 2021 with cheers and toasts like so many people around the globe. This year there were no shimmering parties, no dancing in the club all night long, no Times Squares crowd covered in confetti, braving the chilly winter wind of New York with hot chocolate or their choice of warming liquid in hand. The majority lamented quietly, while tucked in the house, in their pajamas for their celebration of the New Year. But we had no alternative this year. We were forced into a quiet night with immediate family or a limited, small circle of friends this year as we all have been forced to be contained in our four walls due to pandemic since March of 2020. Therefore, we all were glad to let go of 2020 and invite 2021 with new hope and possibilities.

This confinement has led people to vent on social media, “give us a way 2020, move aside.” I understand that 2020 has been a hard year for so many in so many different ways. I’m with the majority, feeling fed up. This year has created lots of bad memories and has hurt people physically, financially, and emotionally on a global scale. But, even with all the disappointment and suffering, I want to be thankful for it. The year has taught several lessons to human beings. It has taught us to be thankful and mindful in our lives. If you are reading this, that means you and I got another chance, another opportunity to try it again. We should be thankful for that.

2020 started with the pandemic. The COVID-19 virus has taken so many lives. It has left a large number of people with long term debilitating side effects. It besieged many people out of their jobs and eventually out of their shelters. It has been a rough year in so many ways. Being in the medical field, I want to think of 2020 as catching a cold in a massive way. You can do all home remedies for it. But your symptoms of runny nose, and achy body will not go away until the virus runs its course in your body. Like in a cold, the symptoms, the suffering, the severity going to depend on the immunity of a person. Similarly, COVID has tested our psychological, physical, and emotional immunity. Typically, viruses last for seven days and will leave you alone and survive on the next person that you have transmitted it to. It does not matter how hard we try and how desperately we want to be over with, the virus will not leave until it runs its course. In 2020, our human society got the virus and we can’t do anything but let it run its course, no matter how hard we try to push it aside and make a way for a fresh new day and new year.

Personally, I have been done with the COVID a long time ago. Everyday, on arrival to work, I have to get my temperature checked. This started last April with the virus and is still in progress. As soon as I set down my lunch and work purse, I  have to fill out a page long questionnaire. If my temperature is within the normal limit, I get validation to work that day. I have been long done answering “No, I have not been exposed to COVID-19,” knowing that just the other day a patient that I took care of tested positive. The COVID tracers pulled me aside and made me go through testing. No, I do not have a cough but I am achy all over. I don’t know if it’s my morning run that gives me soreness or if it’s COVID. I am tired of keeping up with these never-ending lists of questions.

Every day, we are required to make sure the chairs are arranged six feet apart in the patient waiting room. The unattainable effort to keep six feet apart with patients in assessment or treatment times has been a constant struggle all along. My examination room is a total of six feet, my chair for the patient is not even two feet apart. They breathe, talk, and cough all over my working area. There are no other options. Can you turn your head to cough? Can you cover your nose with your mask? These constant requests for patients are getting tedious. My constant effort to protect myself, as well as protect them from each other, is about to be relinquished. I’m done scouring my desk after each patient’s care. We all have been living in fear of exposure and uncertainty of the unknown for too long. How long am I going to strip in the garage before I enter the house? We are all done with these additional stressors. I am ready to move on with life.

Therefore, I wholeheartedly toasted for 2021. I was hoping all our voices in unison would help to end this craziness. I am ready to move forward — I know you are too and so is the whole universe because COVID-19 had gripped our life for too long. The global economy was put in a pause for the longest months in history. The effects of that pause are trickling into our life in every aspect and will be affecting us in the long run.

Worldwide travel was paused. It put life in jeopardy for so many people that depended on global tourism. Traveling is a way to escape from burnout for so many people or it could be just a once in a lifetime trip like yours that had to be given up. We were looking forward to your post graduation trip in summer of 2020. You were ready to celebrate your years of hard work and enjoy the achievement. I am also aware that you were looking forward to your week-long conference trip to DC, your schooling in New York. The thoughts of these losses make me upset until I put them in a bigger perspective. The people whose lives are put on pause forever. The life they had built was broken. The mom and pop restaurant that relied on Saturday farmers market traffic closing, the artist that relied on nightly performances to put dinner on the table. They were shut down or pushed back to their inception. It will take a long time for them to stand up again, even if they muster courage to build again.

I still vividly remember that May evening of your graduation. We dressed up in our best clothes and sat in front of a TV for your virtual graduation. You, like so many of your classmates, did not walk the walk on your graduation. Graduates were forced to sit in front of a TV and hear your name called to be announced graduate of your class. You did not get to toss your hat and fly in the air and capture that happy moment on camera. You all didn’t get to cheer for the last time with all your friends before you parted for your life. It was a tough evening,but still you were content with getting a degree. You had a soft spot for those graduates who are first-generation students but were unable to celebrate their achievement. You said what about those that contracted COVID and were not able to finish their program? Their degree is going to be incomplete forever.

Life has moved on since then. You got your degree and are working now. COVID took away your plans for school in New York, but has opened up another door for you. Our society is not happy about missing graduation parties and once in a lifetime “sweet 16” celebrations. Your brother and his friends have been quarantined several times, which means they are forced to e-learning and prohibited from their sports and social clubs. We have not seen our friends and have not been able to attend any concerts. High school graduates missed their once in a lifetime prom night. We could not celebrate new year in a club with our shiny hats and goggles. But, we had an opportunity to watch the ball drop, then another day and another week and whole another month to enjoy and appreciate it. Think about those people that lost lives. Those family members that could not say last parting words to their loved one. Or those that couldn’t have a closure with their near and dear ones. They are going to be living with that pain forever. But you, I and lots of others still have a lot to be thankful about. We are given a second chance to have it all again in future.

Those days of April and May, New York “felt like a war zone,” according to your uncle. He said ambulances would rush through with blazing sirens to make it to the hospital before it’s too late for the riding passenger. A simple cough and body ache would turn into pneumonia, the patient being unable to breathe, and then having to use a ventilator to provide artificial breathing. Look at Uncle H. He and his whole family ended up in the hospital with COVID. Nobody could locate them for days. Nobody was allowed to visit. Finally, he came on FaceTime to update us. His constant struggle to form even a single word, and speak it out loud looked painful. It was unbelievable to watch a healthy, meditative, yogi man on 8L oxygen, a face mask, and still gasping for breath. Eventually, he was discharged with oxygen and pneumonia in his lungs. They had to let him go home because there was a patient waiting in the ER having a hard time breathing. They needed the room with an oxygen outlet to bring his oxygen saturation higher. They needed to save his life. For Uncle H, it took several doses of antibiotics and chest rays to clear his pneumonia. It took him three months to gain his strength back. That is the most common scenario with the virus, if you were lucky enough to make it to the better side of it. There have been cases of long term organ damage on survivors of COVID The COVID-19 virus is very indiscreet. There was no cast or creed or age immune to the attack.

We all have been put in social isolation and made to wear masks. Even though there were complaints and noncompliance, most people are taking it seriously and are following through. The commitment for the bigger good and betterment of society shined through. Looking back, there were several ideas that were floating through regarding the pandemic. A big group of spiritual gurus regarded the pandemic as an “awakening for human beings.” There was a theory of conspiracy that indicated the virus was implanted by a nation to gain power over the world. No matter if you belong to any of these groups, or pure sufferers like me and my family, pandemic did affect our lives in several ways. Looking at it from a positive outlook, it gave us a new perspective, an opportunity to learn and the emergence of heroes in every society. Globally, it made humans ascend in several ways. It did teach us to reset our priorities.

The pandemic brought pause to our everyday exertion. It offered an opportunity for a lot of people to go deeper into themselves and understand themselves better. It encouraged people to find solace in mist of chaos, the vital human need of self contemplation and self understanding. So, we can understand others better. The work recession that came with it gave time and space to advance on self health. It made people reconsider their affiliation or actuate a new social group. The uncertainty of life made everybody vulnerable and encouraged them to reach out to their loved and cherished ones.

The human nature of giving and helping shined in this period. The true givers came to highlights. True heroes, not Instagram, Tiktok, or YouTube stars but scientists, doctors, nurses, teachers, bus drivers, people that load your grocery and stock the aisles of the supermarkets. All the “skilled and unskilled workers” that keep our society functioning, those that were putting their health on the line for others were highlighted. It was a beautiful sight when people were standing at their windows, sending out rounds of applause, or offering treats to these unsung heroes. There were lots of people, young and old  that went over and beyond to help their older neighbor or just anybody in need. It shone the light on those true heroes. The desire to uplift another human being through singing on the porch, organizing concerts online or offering online tour events were prominent in 2020. Many colleges opened free online classes on education, exercise, careers for people to utilize their quarantine time. So, once we come out on the other side we will be equipped and skilled to handle the job market.

Being a frontline worker, I was offered the vaccine pretty early in line. But, I had been reluctant to receive it. I had my valid doubts like so many others. Vaccine usually takes years of development, how can this vaccine be developed in less than a year? Did they cut corners? HIV has been going for decades but there is still no vaccine for it? Is it safe? I am one of those nurses that wants as little as possible outside interference in my body. I am not against Western medicine, but I am a firm believer of holistic medicine. I do believe in healthy eating, exercise and stress free life, as the key to longer and productive life. I had been taking care of patients who had COVID all along but had not come down with the virus. So, I was really questioning the need for a vaccine for me.

But on January 28, 2021, I took my form and turned in to the lady on the desk. I sat next to the table full of syringes and vials of the COVID-19 vaccine. Nurse asked me if I have come in contact with COVID-19, I said no, no allergy, no COVID-19 vaccine yet. I qualified. I could see the big red container, where the needle will be dropped into once it makes contact with my skin and the medicine is dispensed into me. Do I really want it? I am still in doubt. It still wasn’t late. I could get up and leave. The thought gave me some comfort, having the power of decision still in my hand. I can see the nurse pulling medicine from the vile and sliding the cap into it. I smell the sterile alcohol swabs, then the cold touch of it. She is making conversation with me — wait what did you ask? My mind is on the needle, I see with my peripheral vision that she is opening the cap and advancing it to my left deltoid. The cold steel of hypodermic needles punctures through my skin, bringing me back to the presence, back to the red chair. “It’s all done,” she says. My second doubts became all irrelevant as soon as the sharp tip of the needle pierced my skin and a syringe full of hope emptied into my arm. They observed me for fifteen minutes and let me go.

I walked out of that room with new hope. I hadn’t realized that one puncture by the syringe with the 1ml of vaccine would give me so much hope and peace of mind. I was surprised with the confidence that came with the vaccine. There is still so much unknown to the virus and the immunity of the vaccines. Nobody knows how long the immunity would last. There is also talk that we’ll have to receive the  COVID vaccine like a flu shot every year. I don’t know if this is going to be on my wellness vaccine every year yet. But as I walked out of that waiting room, I had a positive outlook and hope for humanity. It gave me confidence that our society will be returning back to normal very soon. And that is all we all want today.

Yesterday, when I went to work, I had to wait thirty minutes to enter the building. The line to receive COVID-19 vaccine was unbelievably long. In the morning, as I drive to work, I have to struggle to find a parking spot. Every day, the line of people wanting their vaccine is wrapped around the building. It makes me happy. We are heading towards normalcy.  By the end of the day, the large number of people just show up hoping that one vaccine might be extra and it will have their name on it. The fights, the desires to outrun the others is very obvious in our parking lot these days. We have several police officers and traffic controllers working all day, in rain and cold to manage the traffic and the people. These patients, all wanting the peace of mind, and the confidence that even one dose of vaccine will bring in their life. They are all lining up even in rain and snow wanting to bring normalcy in our life. These people are ready to move on from the sorrows and roughness of 2020. They are ready to start afresh in 2021.

So, my dear daughter, let’s Welcome the New Year with optimism and affability. So, you and me and all of us can ascend into a new beginning.

With Lots of Love,

Mamu