“The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists.” ~ Japanese Proverb 

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A way to find your fire is to use anything that has happened to you for something purposeful.

Figure out what purpose you have in this world. How will you use what has happened to you for good? The only thing that drives change is an unwillingness to stay the same. Don’t be afraid of your power. Don’t be afraid to start over.

When you resist change, you can’t adapt, and then you end up making it harder on yourself to move on. You must be still on the inside when chaos arrives. Being calm in the chaos is about focusing on your character, not just the circumstances. Your response is more important than anything else. When you are able to adapt to your circumstances, you can also fight to change them. Surrender to the current, so you don’t drown.

This is how you find your fire:

1.What sparks your interest?

What ignites your motivation? Focus on your passions, not your problems. If you don’t have an end goal in mind yet, this is a perfect way to find direction. What fulfills you right now? Make a list and a bridge out of that. You will only get in your own way if you are focused on the destination. There is beauty in the mysterious or the unknown.

Start small. Take it day by day. You don’t have to tackle the whole list at once. Start with what you can do right now.

Once you take small chunks out of the larger goals each day, you find something to live for. Even if it’s just showing up at first. Even if you have to rest so you don’t quit. Even if you don’t know where you’re going. You’re still going to get there.

Let your passions lead you, not the destination you once clung to. That will change everything for you. You don’t need to know how it will all connect, just that it will. That it does. You’ll see as you go forward that you have what you need, an internal compass leading you in the direction you are meant to go. Even when it feels hopeless. Even when you feel alone. You will leave your mark somehow. And it starts with how you live. Do you live following your passions, trusting your gut?

2. Live with no regrets

This is not easy. It requires self-forgiveness, closure, choosing joy over sorrow, and remembering when it comes to the injustices in your life—they’re not your fault. It means using it for something meaningful. Your mess is your message.

There’s no going back once you’re all in. This life is meant to be lived. It will have its twists and turns, but overall, it will change and challenge you to be the best possible version of yourself, even in the worst situations. You will find a reason to fight if you follow the meaning you derive out of life and its opportunities.

Be kind. There are no do-overs in this life. You can’t go back and be kind in a situation where you were not. You can only choose right here and right now to be kind and build a life with no regrets while forgiving yourself along the way.

We all have things we could have done better. But you didn’t know then what you know now. Be gentle with yourself. You deserve the chance to change. What happened in the past does not define you. It doesn’t reveal your potential like living for today does. It is a part of you, but it is not all of you. You don’t have to say goodbye. You just have to transform it in a new way.

3. Hit refresh and restart each day

Anything can happen and anything can be done. The possibilities are endless. When you want to find your fire, start by dancing in the rain. You can be that light in the darkness. You can be the reason someone is happier today.

Living a life of no regrets leads to living for right now. This moment. Today. Because that’s all we are promised, and some of us are not even promised that. You get the chance to do what you need to do in order to live to the fullest by living for today. No one can take your attitude from you. Positivity is powerful.

Being mindful or present is going to keep you from being stuck. You naturally want to yearn for the past or worry about the future. But being locked in the present is how to survive anything. It keeps you focused.

Just remember:

Today is a new day, clean slate.

You get the chance to be alive.

What do you most value about that?

Do you see the world with a grateful heart?

You will never get another day like today. No day repeats itself.

Can you let go of the day before? And the day before that? Can you see with new eyes the new possibilities of each day?

That’s bravery.

4. Purpose and productivity

It’s not about how much you do, but the drive and empowerment behind it all. Purpose is the path laid out for you, that you should follow no matter what.

In our culture today, we think the more we do means the more we are—not so. You can do less and accomplish much more if you do it with purpose. We tend to think it’s the awards, achievements, and accolades, and we tally them up on an invisible board and brag when we should be humble and let our actions speak for us.

You can do anything you set your mind to. But if you are scattered, it’s all lost in your efforts. Focus on what you most want more than anything else. Live in clarity of what you want. Not what others want. Not what others will say or think about it. Not for anyone else. Yes, it’s powerful to be selfless, but there’s still a self in selflessness.

Psychology Today says “As long as your purpose fills you with passion, it can be simple and safe or grandiose and daring.”

It’s up to you how much you want to do. How productive you are is not a testament to your character. How purposeful you are is that testament.

5. Failure is not the end

In the wise words of Lil Wayne in his song with Eminem “Drop the World,” he says about overcoming hardship, “I could die now, rebirth…” Every day, you are reborn. It doesn’t matter if you failed at something if you make meaning out of it today.

Your hardships matter. Your voice matters. What you have to offer matters.

There will be times in life where you fail or fall apart. Rebirth. Failure does not define you. You will lead everyone around you by taking a simple step forward rather than backward. Remember, no regrets.

Loss may be part of failure. Loneliness as well. But the good news is that you can use it all.

You can be redeemed, as well as allow others their redemption in your life. It’s up to you what you use to move forward. It’s not a reflection of your worth or potential to have a need to stop or rest.

Failure is not the end. Instead, you may be on a detour towards a new destination. That detour can be made from your passions, from your purpose. You can lead others towards similar goals if you live your life right.

Your mistakes don’t make you. It’s the lessons. It’s the imprint you leave on this world. It’s the humility and happiness you leave behind.

It’s the kindnesses. It’s the character. It’s empowerment.

If you use every failure for something good, then that failure no longer exists. It was part of your journey, maybe even your destiny. Don’t give up now. Don’t give up ever. You will succeed. Remember what matters most. It’s not the image. It’s the impact.

Finding your fire is about finding yourself.

You can only move forward if you’re not constantly looking back. You have to remember what you’ve been through and make meaning out of that happening. You can use your willpower for something good.

Purposeful living is about finding your fire in the best of times and the worst of times. It’s about overcoming the odds so you can make a difference in the lives of others. And most of all, it’s knowing you’re not alone.

When you open up to yourself, you will open up to the world. And then there’s nothing you can’t do.

Be present. Be purposeful. Be you.