I’ve had a recurring problem in my life of staying in relationships too long. Thinking I could derive my value from giving of myself. Not realizing that my value is determined by me—what I say about myself, how I treat myself, and what I allow others to do to me. Feeling incomplete unless I was tending to the other. Consuming other’s stories, empathizing deeply, feeling the suffering, then acting on it. To try to relieve the suffering in others thinking that might help relieve it in me. It never did.

There were so many examples of relationships I stayed in too long once I started recognizing the pattern of my emotional attachments. Seeing how it developed. From that New Years Eve party in junior high school when an unrequited crush had me out on a balcony thinking of all the options for relieving that incredible pain. The pain that detonates the synapses, seizes the heart, and tortures the soul. That absolute mortal fear. But this is about my toothbrush.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about my relationships. It always brings up a lot. I need plenty of room because repacking afterwards is a whole thing. The close examination of each element. Giving it my full attention. Being present. Asking how they best serve me. Sometimes it’s simply needing to express gratitude for the lesson it taught me. Now I can donate it to others. Sometimes I still feel the freshness of joy that I felt when it first came into my life. That’s a keeper. If the relationship is stale, we need to awaken the joy in it or gratefully let it go.

The other day I noticed my toothbrush standing diligently on my sink. I had to think back to when I last changed it. I couldn’t remember precisely. It was a relationship I had been in too long. I did not feel the freshness of joy I did when I first started using it. I don’t know exactly when that transition took place. I wasn’t paying attention to the relationship. How many other relationships in my life was I neglecting? Which ones was I paying attention to?

I need to renew my relationship with my toothbrush regularly so I can feel the joy of taking good care of myself. I switched to a bamboo toothbrush awhile ago because it’s one less piece of plastic I can avoid consuming. To keep my relationship with my toothbrush fresh I am willing to write the date I started using it on the handle with a Sharpie and commit to changing it on a quarterly basis. It’s a small thing. But life is a series of small things which taken together comprise a larger thing as follows.

I want my teeth to be healthy. I love my teeth. My teeth are me and I need to take good care of me. That is my primary job. To love my teeth.

I want my self to be healthy. I love my self. My self is me and I need to take good care of me. That is my primary job. To love my self.

I want the world to be healthy. I love the world. The world is me and I need to take good care of me. That is my primary job. To love the world.

I want the universe to be healthy. I love the universe. The universe is me and I need to take good care of me. That is my primary job. To love the universe.

Happy brushing!