I don’t know who you are but it’s highly likely that you are dreaming of a day when you will be conventionally successful and insanely famous.

Maybe you were wounded by the way your parents treated you. Maybe you want to prove to that bully that you are worth something. Someday, your mind tells you, you will show them. Now, this is not a bad thing. This is a reasonable reaction to those who excluded you and made you feel small. The problem is not with your dream to be conventionally successful and famous. The problem is that you will be back to square one.

As children, we have this desire to be loved for our imperfect selves. Unconditional Love is the foundation of a parent-child relationship. As children, we had no desire to become someone we are not. However, slowly, we realized that parents have conditions – we might not get love if we don’t behave according to our parents’ likes and dislikes. Now, there are times when this is important. It is important for us, as children, to understand the importance of not hurting fellow human beings and if we understand this and mold themselves, it’s a good thing. However, usually what happens is that our entire persona is constructed around how to make our parents love us. Intentionally or intentionally, consciously or unconsciously, parents started dictating terms of love – we realize that to get the love, we have to be successful in a narrow sort of way (through metrics that are important for our parents and society). And then begins a lifelong quest.

Some of us do end up becoming conventionally successful. Unfortunately, the reality knocks on the door. The irony of success is that the person ends up longing for the very thing that he/she/they longed for, before he/she/they were successful. When you are conventionally successful, you are surrounded by people who tell you things that you want to hear – partly because you are now a powerful person and partly because keeping you happy will open doors of opportunities for them. A deep insecurity takes root – does this person love me or is he/she/they using me? This leads to a gamut of insecure questions – What if I lose everything; will these people still love me? or Are they saying this because I’m powerful or are they being genuine?

We then end up craving for those who are honest – those who are not afraid to tell us the truth. We long for those who love you for who we are and not for what we have. Doesn’t this sound similar to how we felt as a child? Didn’t we want to be loved unconditionally? Isn’t it weird that despite all the success, we still feel the same? Wasn’t success supposed to be a magic pill that would dissolve our trauma?

Maturity lies in realizing that unconditional love is essential – whether you are famous and successful or someone living a quiet, obscure life. A life whose foundation is based on unconditional love will be always meaningful and strong enough to weather the storms. Most of us are not lucky enough to have parents who can give us this kind of love. But as we grow up, we can find our soulmates and those who will love us for who we are not for what we have (social status, bank balance or beauty).