Here’s the thing: I did everything I was supposed to. I ate right, I exercised a ton (I was a fitness trainer, runner, yogi, hiker, canoeist, cyclist and swimmer) I used only natural cleaning and beauty products and I still got cancer. It feels like shit luck and it is. I just got bad genes. Like a time bomb that’s been waiting to go off and it didn’t matter what I did. Cancer came for me. 

But there’s also a part of me that believes that cancer is also a spiritual disease. For years I’ve carried a discontent in my heart. A feeling that I’ve never really been connected, not really, to anything or anyone. I have always had this sense of just not fitting in here.

I’ve tried; I chased all the things you were supposed to: I was married once, we tried to have a family, I had a corporate job that paid well and had security, but it just never felt right. It never worked for me. I tried being an entrepreneur, owning a seniors home care firm and a gym, I chased the things you are supposed to; instagram success and local status. But It’s all just ego and means nothing. It doesn’t give you inner peace or clarity. The only places I’ve ever felt truly at home and at peace are in the woods, on my trips, or with my animals. 

So maybe cancer is more than physical cells mutating? Maybe cancer is a physical manifestation of years of hurt, self doubt, holding in words, not following my heart and now-it is literally choking my heart.

Maybe cancer is a chance to heal. To forgive. To let go. To finally be free.

#rethinkcancer #cancerthoughts #thinkingoutloud #metastaticbreastcancer #words