Believe it or not, sometimes I can “suck.” I might have a moment when I’m engaging in a dialogue and I’m triggered, so I lash out. Sometimes I think unkind things. Maybe someone’s asked me a question, but interrupted while I’m replying, and internally; even if only for a moment I think something “negative” about the person. I could go on and on and I’m sure if you stopped and thought about it, you could say the same.

If you’re following still, thank you! This isn’t to make you feel bad, in fact quite the opposite and then some, but we’ll get to that. As I have also been wrong. So many times and in so many ways about differnt things. If I told you that as I write this, it’s 9:46pm and thus nighttime. To Someone in New Zealand, I’d be so wrong; as it’s hopefully a lovely 1:46 in the afternoon. As right as I am in one particular instance, I’m absolutely not in another. For one thing to be true, it’s opposite must also be true, these are the laws of the universe we live in. If my father was a murderous bank robber, but was a loving and devoted family man to his own, as good as his apprehension would be for society as a whole, my family could potentially be left ruins, and this would be BEYOND TRAGIC for us, not just bad. This is a fictitious example, and opens so many questions if you let it, like Does a Son deserve to carry the weight of the sins of his Father? What reparations can be made? How can we neutralize capacity for the most harm? But I digress, because these are all just some of the many questions that could be asked when and if one choose to employ empathy. I’ve been wrong in others ways, like deeply educating myself on a subject, and speaking about it. You might be thinking, if you’re Degree is in this field that doesn’t necessarily apply, or if it’s in your profession, etc. But if we’re really taking a moment to be honest, isn’t it true that it is impossible to know EVERYTHING that can be known about anything? That is to say that everything we know, is still only what we know on a subject, and until we know more, we’re still always partially wrong. Everything is CIMCUMSTANTIAL.

Now that I’ve opened up about that as well, I’m hoping that you can see how it might resonate in your own life, and how you’re going about doing what you do, which Bruce Lee called “self actualization” or the practice of intentionally doing our best in the going about of accomplishing what we’re trying to accomplish. This is where it gets REALLY good, because the moment we are aware of these things, we’re already consciously responding, versus reacting.

Which leads me to empathy in times of conflict. In accepting and understanding that we make mistakes, and that we can be less than our best; this liberates us to be truly present and hold space for acceptance. We can find peace in what is going on around us, and regroup to see the connection, from a place of undertstanding. We don’t feel the need to so aggressively correct the person we disagree with, instead we let them have their beliefs, but choose to focus on why we choose OURS, and in that open hearted place of love, a true dialogue begins, we can then hold space for their views, while remembering our own aren’t threatened; and that we aren’t trying to change anyone’s mind. We’re aiming to understand, and be understood. Aren’t we? If you are trying to change someone’s mind, it still stands to reason, they’d be more open to hearing you if they don’t feel demeaned and disrespected.
Remember how I mentioned I’ve been wrong? When made to feel stupid, or disrespected in my error, hurt feelings to blatant aversion and resistance to ideas from the person invalidating me occured. What about you? Do you like being told you’re stupid? Do you like feeling like what you have to say doesn’t matter? If you’re like me even a little bit then that was easily a “No.” And yet everytime we disagree we do that. Everytime we share how maybe someone should try this, or have they considered that, as a response to their views; well meaning or not, we’re still invalidating them. The Amazing Dr Brènè Brown states that “In order to truly empathize, we must be willing to see the other person’s world the way the see it.” Brilliant Artist and Content Creator Dylan Mareon states that “Empathy isn’t an endorsement, merely an ability to recognize the humanity is somewhat that thinks differently than you do.”