words that sound like a forced smile
Those toothpicks between your lips

Causing  little rips in your soul

happiness is a sickness we’ve all endured.

a cold that can’t be cured

Resulting in a voice that can’t be heard.

You can’t fly free as a bird

When you’re weighed down by

bottled up emotions you’ve  ignored

The ones you tried to hide

The ones you constantly fight

Staying up all night Till sunrise

Tears from your eyes wiped away

As soon as you see the light of day

if we stop doing what we “think”

& start trying to FEEL we could  see

We all need to hurt to heal

Imagine only having the sun

With no where else to run

No moon to reflect on things we neglect

happiness is an emotional standard

any opposing emotion

Should be suppressed & left stranded

Lost in rage like the ocean

saying “I’m blessed”

Seems like the magick potion

Don’t be angry sad or hopeless

More robotic, Scared of human emotions

Leaving souls homeless

Plants can’t grow without the rain

& you my dear are exactly the same

Feel it all, cry laugh scream

Have a BAWL , you are human

After all ♾

-Arielle Barendeana ?

I was inspired to write this poem for all of us who need a reminder that we are human. As a kid I endured abuse on all levels & when I reacted to my circumstances it was met with further abuse. I learned how to hide in the closet & cover my face with pillows so I could scream without punishment. I tried to let my emotions escape but after so much suppression I had buried myself alive. My anger turned inward & I self harmed, began an eating disorder,  & was diagnosed with anxiety & depression by 15. Right when I was done hanging on the universe gave me a hand. With the help of my earth angel, I was able to escape & start the healing journey. I’m still not sure that a healing journey has a destination, it’s been a never ending ride. You think you’ve got the answers only to be left with more questions. In the beginning it led me to be the “positive vibes only” girl. It sounded so pretty to be able to just choose happiness & love all the time. What I thought was the end of healing was the start of my hurt. Healing is a roller coaster ride with high ups & unexpected downs but it’s always in motion. I realized it was the downs that made ups so much more vibrant & exciting. All of the “why me” thoughts disappeared when I realized how much adversity gives. No one can teach empathy, understanding, & humanity like adversity. Remembering the bad made the good feel so much better.  If you only knew happiness with nothing to compare it, it would feel dull & boring. We need balance, yin & yang, light work & shadow work, the moon & the sun, bad & good. Our emotions are no different & allowing yourself to have “bad moods” is okay. It’s natural to have emotions outside of happiness. Of course be introspective so you can find the cause & understand it. Too much of anything isn’t good & being happy 24/7 is included. We should stop demonizing other emotions that aren’t deemed “positive” such as anger, sadness, frustration. It causes people pleasing, facades, & people who feel guilty for feeling down. It’s a vicious cycle to feel bad about feeling bad. We end up shutting out emotions completely instead of feeling them wholly trying to understand, balance, & express them.  Men are told not to cry & women are told to smile. On the surface we pretend positivity & being happy as much as possible is the optimal emotional state. Think of the beautiful  music/art made from rage & sadness. It’s beautiful because it’s a raw unfiltered reflection of what we all feel but try to suppress. Balance of course, but allow yourself to be human. Plants can’t grow without the rain & you my dear are exactly the same.