Sherri: What was your motivation to write this book?

Deirdre: Just over 3 years ago I slipped into a depression. I thought I had worked through my past trauma, since I had been in so much therapy, but there I was pregnant with my fourth baby, living my dream life, completely depressed. Luckily, I found a women’s support group through a new therapist I had started seeing after I began having suicidal thoughts. Working with the group of women helped me realize I wasn’t alone, and that began to lift the darkness, and allowed me to share my story in this private, safe setting. Once I was able to work through the layers of my pain, and finally heal, I swore I would help others that were suffering silently. I didn’t want anyone else to feel alone, I decided I would take the chance that someone out there needed my story to help them survive. There was a lot of fear for me, and my motivation was to think of the person that needed this, and that would help me to resolve my fear, and still does.

Sherri: You’ve experienced a lot of trauma—how does someone overcome some of these things and lead a healthy, productive life?

Deirdre: The way I responded to my trauma was to disassociate from my body. I went very numb, pulled back emotionally, but then became overly available physically, and was very sexually active. This promiscuity was part of my coping strategy. It helped me fill a void along with the drugs.

Most people have a rock bottom, or someone says something at the right time that just resonates. For me, it was someone confronting me about my drug use as a mother, and how I was supposed to be setting an example for my daughter. It felt like a hot slap in the face, and it was enough to push me into recovery. This sounds simple, and really it is – we need to be injected with love. Love for ourselves is the most important thing we can do, and then learning how to accept love from others. For me, yoga was a great way to reconnect my soul to my physical body. Learning to breathe through the difficult poses is a life lesson; we can take this with us and breathe through our pain, fear, and other discomforts. Meditation also helped me to heal a very anxious mind, and starting on medication helped me gain control over a messy life in the beginning as well. We need to learn to love ourselves, and understand that the trauma is not who we are, it is something that happened to us. Healing is possible, living in gratitude is possible – we just have to give ourselves a chance

Sherri: You go into quite some detail about some of your experiences.  Was it difficult to write that out? How was the process?

Deirdre: The book started out as a therapeutic exercise that one of the therapists running the support group I was attending gave us. She asked us to write a page or two about our experience as a child. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I wrote around 4000 words and realized that I had a chapter. The detail came because I wanted to get it all out of my head, I found this very helpful, it reduced my shame around it – of course shame is the emotion that keeps most victims stuck. When I started to write about the prostitution side of my story, I figured there probably wasn’t a lot out there written by the victim, explaining what it is really like, and that this would be of interest to some people, and then bring comfort of not being alone to others that may have experienced something similar. While writing I had to work through a lot of fear of exposing myself, I had amazing support from my husband, who stands so strong and loyal by my side. I did stop writing for periods of time to process certain things, but was still able to finish the first draft in one year. That was also something I had to work through, and I’ve had amazing support from friends, and my therapist.

Sherri: You have written a very honest, candid memoir, and it seems authenticity comes easily to you.  Does it, and is that important for you?

Deirdre: Authenticity is something I have learned. I was terrified to be myself, share parts of myself with most people, but that left me feeling very isolated, and struggling with low self worth. For me, authenticity was about embracing who I am – all of me. Understanding that the less desirable actions that I had taken in my life were all stepping-stones to get me to where I am now, and this is a really happy, fulfilled place. Showing up as myself helped me to cultivate deep, and meaningful relationships. Yes, some people can’t handle authenticity and you may push them away, but the benefit outweighs that risk. There is so much freedom in accepting yourself, and having those around you understand your depths.

Sherri: Are you a spiritual person?  A lot of recovery programs rely on God, or a higher power, is this something that has helped you?

Deirdre: Yes, I believe in a higher power/higher self. Many people believe in God, which is beautiful, I didn’t grow up with religion, so this has been a journey for me. Learning about having faith changed my life. The first time I came across this was when I read the book, The Secret. Learning to believe in something bigger than myself, a Universal energy, gave me a new outlook on life, and this is when things really started to shift into a direction of positive growth for me. I have a chapter in my book named The Secret; I go into detail on how I applied the teachings in my life, and shortly after, meeting my husband, and creating a dream life.

I also meditate daily; this has been an important part of my recovery. Meditation can help to reduce anxiety, stress, and has helped me feel more balanced.

Sherri: Did you find it difficult to have a stable relationship after so many experiences where you didn’t know how to take care of yourself and men took advantage of you?

Deirdre:  I didn’t understand after all the trauma that I had low self worth. I ended up in a few more relationships with men that I was really just settling for because I didn’t want to be alone. I hated being by myself; I hated myself for many years. Once I met my husband I was well on a path to healing but still had a lot of work to do and the first few years of marriage for us was a real struggle. We both brought a lot into the marriage. What has been an absolute blessing for us is that we were both willing to step up and own our pain, take responsibility for healing, and we went on the journey together. I used to think that all I was good for was sex, which is so sad. I really didn’t see any other value to me. It took decades to dig deep into my heart and soul and pull out all of the beauty. If it’s in me, it’s in everyone because I was in some pretty dark, shady places and times. We are all valuable, we each bring something to the table, to a relationship, and I’m so happy to share my story so that others can hopefully see themselves in me and see that there is so much room to change and grow.

Sherri: The title of the book is “Unfold Me”.  Why did you choose that title?

Deirdre: This was really easy. I was at an awards event where one of my besties was being inducted into the Aurora Sports Hall of Fame here in Ontario Canada. During her speech, she was telling the crowd about how rewarding it has been for her to give back to the community through her coaching, specifically to the youth swim program. She said that the children were like delicate butterflies just coming out of the cocoon, and that they needed to be very gently unfolded to preserve their delicacy. This made me very emotional for two reasons, the first because it is a beautiful way to look at children growing into the world. The second reason was that I never felt anyone looked at me as being delicate when I was a child, and I longed to be unfolded delicately. I decided that I would unfold myself in a gentle manner. The Unfolding Project, my blog, emerged first. This is where I dabbled in sharing parts of my story, unfolding the layers of myself, and gaining comfort in sharing these parts of my life with others. Unfold Me is an invitation to pull up a seat and unfold with me, as you will surely see parts of yourself in my story.

Sherri: Who is the book for? What audience do you believe will resonate with your story?

Deirdre: This book is for anyone who has struggled in life, and haven’t we all? I always say that my story isn’t going to carry the same struggles as other people, they may not understand what it’s like to be a victim of human trafficking, but what they will resonate with is the feelings that lay beneath. Fear, shame, and unworthiness are human emotions that we all get struck with at different points in our lives. I believe my deepest pain feels the same as your deepest pain. I think women may connect better to the story than men, but I’ve had men read it, love it, and give it great reviews. Anyone who has struggled with addiction, whether it be alcohol, food, drugs, sex, or shopping, again the feelings and motives behind addiction all stem from the same place – trauma. We have all experienced trauma, some more than others but it’s a part of life. I believe readers will be inspired by the power of the human spirit, and the possibilities for transformation after reading Unfold Me.

Sherri: You are the Founder of High Gate Racing: can you tell us more about that?

Deirdre: High Gate Racing is Canada’s largest all female competitive cycling team. I started it after being involved in the sport for a few years and really seeing the inequality. Women are not given the same opportunities; there are less of us in the sport so we often get lost to the bottom of the barrel when on a mixed gender team. I really wanted a platform where women felt seen, safe, and supported. That is the vision of the team. Our youngest athlete is ten, and we have women well into their fifties.

We have an amazing funding program for our U23 athletes that helps support them with some of their needs, and eases some of the expense of the sport which can go up to $20,000 per year when you include bikes, and travel to destination races. Ten percent of the profits from this book go back into this program to support these young women. Sport changed my life, and I want to encourage women of all ages to get involved and feel supported.

Sherri: What’s next for you? Any projects you are currently working on?

Deirdre: I just published a plant based cookbook, Unfolding in the Kitchen. My family has eaten plant based for 7 years now and I love cooking. After finding ways to recreate my traditional favorites as plant based meals that are easy, tasty, and kid approved, I felt compelled to share them with others. When I adopted a plant based diet it helped me cure my disordered eating, which consisted of starving myself, and bingeing. I touch on my struggles with food and body image in Unfold Me. Eating plants gave me a new outlook on where my food was coming from. I also felt more satiated due to the high fiber and vitamin content you receive from whole foods. This cookbook is great for someone looking to add a few plant based meals to their week, or even the person already eating fully plant based. It’s very health conscious although there are a few desserts, and some decadent cashew cheeses.