You sit and gather more coins and more coins!
You won’t even allow yourself to live because you say you don’t have enough coins.
I didn’t see it, until today…
Your Coins are your precious
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iz-8CSa9xj8
Your coins are the end-all to you.
There is no other way for me to see it or think, though believe me I have tried.
I don’t know how else to say it., Others have tried.
Maybe you think I am exaggerating or being overly dramatic.
I keep racking my brain trying to figure out how…
How you could deny a woman, let alone your wife and woman you say you love, with Stage IV Metastatic Colorectal Cancer, who stopped all treatment and asked you to spend at least one year with her?
Life is short. It can change in an instant. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone.
All I can figure is…
Your coins are your precious.
It has to be.
You say you are not ready, that you don’t have enough money.
I say, “Let’s go, just give me one year. Take an FMLA and come away with me. I will change everything if you would just go. ”
But you still say no.
My therapist says it’s fear.
My friends say you are angry.
Angry about the fact you may lose me.
Angry at me for not continuing treatment.
Angry at the world, perhaps for giving me Cancer in the first place.
…I don’t know…
All I have is your word.
Your words say “I am not ready. I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel stable. I need more money to feel stable. I need to wait.”
Your words say “You changed the plan.”
Yes, dear. It happens. Plans change.
I never agreed to do chemo …FOREVER.
Don’t you see?
That’s what my life would be.
Chemo, forever.
A port, forever.
FOR-EV-ER!
What kind of life is that?
It’s not life, that’s what it is!
That’s not living.
I already did 24 rounds of chemo. I have had more surgeries because of side effects than I can even count anymore! I am tired. I want to live my life.
I want to live my life…with you.
I want to live a Quality Life…with you.
Aside from literally getting on my hands and knees, I nearly begged you.
Your reply?
“I need more coins.”
Your coins are your precious.
How do I compete with that?
Trisha Trixie <3
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