I am a fast paced, mother of 4, post-op orthopedic nurse, and I gratefully exercise my privilege of self care. I have a long standing rule stating  “whatever the 1 pack a day smoker pays to support their habit, I can justify spending on self care”. My rules governing what actually IS self care, are much looser. I definitely count floating.

The float tank was invented by neuropsychiatrist Dr. John Lilly in 1954, who’s life’s work was studying the effects of sensory deprivation on the brain. Turns out, It was a no brainer (Pun Intended). Float, Is a mind and body melting, perfectly temperate, 1,200 lb magnesium sulfate immersion.

THE SCIENCE

According to the NIH:

“Magnesium is a cofactor in more than 300 enzyme systems that regulate diverse biochemical reactions in the body, including protein synthesis, muscle and nerve function, blood glucose control, and blood pressure regulation. Magnesium is required for energy production, oxidative phosphorylation, and glycolysis. It contributes to the structural development of bone and is required for the synthesis of DNA, RNA, and the antioxidant glutathione. Magnesium also plays a role in the active transport of calcium and potassium ions across cell membranes, a process that is important to nerve impulse conduction, muscle contraction, and normal heart rhythm.”

According to Anatomy and Physiology text books:

The skin is the largest organ of the human body. It is a semi-permeable membrane and through it, substances such as magnesium can be absorbed.

According to my google search:

Magnesium also has some level of electrical conductivity, which I think is also an interesting element worthy of pondering.

FUN FACT: It also goes by the name, “Epsom Salt” and can make you float!

Personally I know magnesium to be a helpful nutritional supplement that doubles as a muscle relaxer and migraine treatment. I have come today to help relieve my neck and back pain caused by degenerative disks and bone spurs. There will be many other welcome side effects.

THE EXPERIENCE

I didn’t wear a bra Into Float-41 in West Hartford, CT and it doesn’t feel awkward, even a little. This is probably my seventh float and I’m kind of a pro. I carry my floral Kate Spade handbag, I won it at bingo but nobody in this epitome of suburbia knows that. It’s got a bunch of random stuff In it and  STILL has room for my underwear should I decide to let my cheeks fly free after float. The epsom salt is a bit sticky. You can get it off with a good shower but the humidity doesn’t help with getting your knickers on after.

Once in the door, I am greeted warmly by a staff person. I think she was in training last time I was here. I’m glad to see things have worked out! I tell her I would like to pay for the 3 float package. She knows exactly what I am talking about, rings me up, and brings me to my room with a few quick reminders regarding hygiene. I LOVE that they take hygiene seriously! I take a trip to the loo. While I am there, I score a clean, white, soft, rolled wash cloth from a thick brown wicker basket. There Is one in my float room, but I like having two. I am ready. I shut and lock the door. I’m In.

I turn to see the shower, taking off my light weight cotton clothes and placing them on the bench. I take note of the ear plugs and the neck support ring, both of which I will use. I wash up good, Including shampoo. I remind myself not to rush. I have 15 minutes before and after my float, to prepare for entry and exit. This Is my first conscious act of letting go, “slow down Chandra, there’s no rushing or multitasking here”, I say to myself. This is a safe space.

Safe space, this a safe space?! I get a wash of vulnerability, anxiety If you will. The tank is a capsule and claustrophobia is an innate fear that is common to most humans. Mine is now triggered.  I take an inventory of my environment and allow my rational mind to engage. There is no more inherent risk here than anywhere else I might be. It just feels like it. I let it go, finish my shower and prepare to enter the tank.

Part of my preparation is taking the two wash clothes which I have now moistened with cool shower water and place them hanging on the inner handle of the door. I’ve found them to come in handy, especially to wipe my eyes when I’ve made the mistake of accidentally dripping float water in them. It stings the eyes a bit. It is not intolerable, it Is however, unpleasant. I remind myself to keep my arms in the water. Moving gently with care helps prevent splash and drip.  It also reminds me AGAIN, “slow down”.

The tank is lit by a gentle light that changes hue and a low vibration meditation type sound is coming through the speaker. I have the option to turn one or both off. My choice Is different each time. This time I opt to start with both on. I start by sitting with my back against the wall. The float is strong. It wants you to lay but my body and mind are in hyperdrive today, I am going to ease my way In.

When I am ready, I lightly spin my body, extend lengthwise and lie down. I leave my right foot planted on the bottom of the tub. I realize by now that I have a really difficult time relaxing my neck. It’s where I store all the bullshit. By keeping a foot planted with my knee bent, my neck relaxes in with more ease. I am also not necessarily ready to be still. The foot gives me a grounding point from which to work out all my wiggles. I have a LOT of wiggles.

I now have a very sharp awareness of my body. I can feel the trapped energy for what it is. It occurs to me that I always have trapped energy. I can associate how on any given day, this energy manifests as anxiety, frustration, and fear. In the tank, I can physically feel it and see that much of what seems “emotional” to me, is rooted in my body. I know I have to work through it. With my foot still grounded, I allow myself movement where my body needs it. I feel tightness everywhere. Quickly I realize that I do not feel pain. I begin to stretch slowly and methodically, changing the direction and quality of my movement with a goal to loosen what is tight. The nerves in my body are communicating to me with utter clarity. My mind moves too. The claustrophobia returns in the form of considering how much this experience resembles a womb or a coffin. Then it splays out to feeling safe and untouchable by all the many demands that come each day. My movements begin to slow and I realize it feels time to lift my foot from the ground. I just keep letting go.

I continue to stretch and twist my body for what I would estimate is about 20 minutes and then I feel ready to experiment with stillness. Once I have become still, it takes a while before the water Is also still and total stillness can be achieved. And man…. It’s TRIPPY. I can’t tell where my body ends and the water begins, I feel completely weightless. I settle Into some deep breathing. I am in this tank to achieve the fullest benefit and that means nourishing my lungs with deep full breaths. I recall how as a nurse I have also administered magnesium to patients to open and relax their lungs. My mind goes somewhere, I don’t know where. I forget that I am in the tank.

I cycle through deep stretching and stillness repeatedly. I notice that every time I return to stretching, my tissues are more pliable than the last time. I notice that every time I return to stillness, it is much easier to settle into it. I turn off the light, keep the sound, place my hands with fingers spread on either side of the navel (my favorite float position) and completely let go. My mind travels through observing my life, my perspective expands. I work though the challenges I’ve been facing. I explore creative ideas I’ve been musing. I process…..like really truly actively process. I am grateful for this.

When the 90 minutes has lapsed, the light slowly turns back on and a soothing voice lets me know it time to return to life. I don’t have to tell myself not to rush any more. My mind and body are naturally just going to go at their own pace. I know to roll with it. I get myself up and out, I have 15 minutes to shower, which gives me time to wash up good, shampoo and condition my hair. I know from experience to take that time, because I will feel much better when I walk out clean. Also, my clothes won’t stick. A minor annoyance I like to avoid. I definitely am NOT putting my undies back on. I’ll have to put my mom, woman, nurse hats back on. Those are heavy enough.

After a long float, I have shed layers of anxiety and expectation. I’ve actively and passively let go of many feelings, both physical and emotional. I have given my mind and body a much needed FULL STOP. I feel lighter, far more at ease. My neck pain has subsided and the tightness is waning. I know from experience that it will continue to release throughout the day, providing me more and more relief,

The owner is now at the front desk along with the the staff person. She is a beautiful woman, the kind who’s aura precedes her. She has penetrating blue-gray eyes and seems to be always peaceful but with purpose. I pause to ask them a question. “What is the one thing you notice about people that is different from when they first come In, to the time they leave?”. The staff woman holds her arms up as if she’s holding a duffle bag out In front, her shoulders shrug up to her ears and she says “this is how they come in, you can see they are holding something”. The owner politely interjects and agrees, “Yes, like truly, physically carrying something, you can see it and feel it”. The staff women continues, “Exactly, and when they leave, you can see Its gone”. The owner adds to the discussion, “For people who come regularly, they even start walking in carrying less and less, it’s really remarkable how you can just see people letting go of what they carry with them.”

I think to myself how closely that mirrors everything I’ve gone through in the past 2 hours and my purposes for continuously returning. I am grateful for this self care and how it will allow me to cope better with everything I will face in the next few days. I am thankful for high dose magnesium sulfate and its affects on my nerves and muscles. I am thankful for my safe little float pod, where nothing in the world can touch me for an hour and a half. I am thankful for understanding that often processing physical and emotional discomforts means you have to acknowledge them before you can let them go. I am thankful that I rule my fears, they do not rule me. I am thankful for the economic privilege of affording myself this whole self care.