Do you know that the most expensive liquid on this planet are the tears of a Mother?

Moments like today, are simply difficult.

Today, my Puffy-Cloud would be 35. Thirty-five.

I’ve been told I need to be strong. Would you be strong?

People misinterpret my kindness as weakness. “You know, it’s been 10 years “– “It’s time.”

“Time?!!” – I ask.

Who set the time limit to a Mother’s love?

When your child dies, are you not a Mother anymore???

By whose standards?!?

I will always be a Mother.

I will always be the Keeper of Anita’s memory.

I never asked for this. Once again – Shit happens to good people.

No one asked me if I am ok with this pain.

Do I want this? What do I need?

I NEED – The tender power of holding you Anita, in my arms. Stroking your hair, cuddling you. Discussing world politics until late at night…I miss making pancakes with you. I miss dancing with you to Annie Lennox– Little Bird https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjbNLVQ_Iw

…I believe that there is no exact moment when the healing begins.

Did it begin when Lydia, my younger daughter, persisted I quit smoking? Who quits smoking when their child dies? Who changes their lifestyle and loses 25 kg when your child dies?

Yes, opportunity always lies in the challenge. Ahhh, if I could share with you all my knowledge – it’s a mixed process and there is a special kind of discipline and routine that allows you to still continue after ten years of grief. 10 long years till now… 3653 days…

I can truly say that I mastered it. When life is rough, I get simple.

I understand pain. I have analyzed it. Dissected it.

Ignored it. It ignored me.

Pain and I – have a love-hate relationship.

I ONLY just need to make the choice of loving the happiness of pain, accepting all the stages of grief.

This sculpture by AlbertGyorgy is the closest description of my pain. Numb and sad with a pinch of hope. Look at the Sky! The clouds! Oh my, I can sit in front of this photo – forever…feeling sadly calm. It is my Superpower. My Secret.

Happiness with purpose is the only useful goal in life, my tribute to pain will get me there.