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Women are like water. They can be calm, gentle, mystical, elusive, fierce, and wild.

There are many layers to women that you may want to get to know and unravel so you can create the most passionate and meaningful relationship—one where you are free to express yourself.

If you want to have an incredible sex and love life, you first have to understand women and their nature. As it goes, sex starts way before you get into the bedroom, and she’s unlikely to let you into her heart if she doesn’t feel you are fully present, interested in who she is, and eager to please her.

Create Safety. 

The first thing women need is to feel safety—both emotionally and sexually. She needs to feel safe in expressing herself and knowing you will be there without judging or criticizing her. She wants to feel that you can fully accept every layer of her. If your partner is experiencing emotional distress, don’t feel like you always have to say something. Instead, you could hold her and listen to what she’s saying, and that can be enough for her.

Put yourself in her shoes. Understand what the experience is like for her. If she feels you understand her emotions and are showing empathy, her heart will open. If she’s feeling emotional, perhaps even crying or shouting because she’s really angry or upset, be her rock. Find soothing words to offer her or ask her what she needs from you to feel comforted. Your first instinct might be to get the hell out of there because you don’t know what to do or say, but this will confirm her fears that you are not reliable, that you can’t handle her, and that she can only be a certain way around you. If you validate your behaviour by leaving the situation, she will lose her trust in you.

Accept all of her. 

Don’t try to change her. By this, I mean her clothes, her weight, her makeup, and any part of her appearance. Don’t try to make her feel she’s inadequate, she’s too much, too loud, too quiet, or not enough. Women do a good job of being hard on themselves. You don’t have to agree on everything like each other’s choices and decisions to have acceptance. You accept each other as you are and are comfortable discussing your desires, needs, wants, and grievances. Don’t hold back things you think might upset her because that will be worse in the long run. She will feel you’ve withheld other things in the past too, and that will give her reasons to doubt you.

Be honest and respectful. 

Sometimes, people lie to protect each other from being hurt. But eventually, somehow, the truth is revealed and can cause so much chaos. If you are wanting to create deeper intimacy, then be honest. Your partner may not always like it and be upset sometimes, but she will respect your honesty. Having disagreements can be a positive thing. It may put your love to the test but your love will rise above it and create the closeness you desire through acceptance.

Understand what she wants, sexually. 

A lot of men keep their fantasies to themselves because they think their partner won’t be into them or worse, reject them. One key element is to talk openly with your partner. She knows what feels good to her—what her desires and dislikes are. However, a lot of women don’t disclose what they desire or dislike because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. So, don’t be afraid to ask her things like, “Where and how do you like to be touched?” “Is there anything I can do to give you more pleasure?” “Is there anything you would like us to explore together?”

Foreplay is essential to women. You might be ready to have penetrative sex in five minutes, but for most women to be fully turned on, they need anywhere between 20 to 40 mins. So show her you really want to please her. The important thing is to take your time and be slow and gentle. What you see in porn isn’t necessarily what women want in reality. One thing women tell me they really hate is when men penetrate them hard and fast with their fingers. Unless they’re super turned on, they start to shut down their capacity to orgasm and could experience pain, not pleasure. So listen to the cues of her body till she’s begging you for more.

Allow her to take her time and relish in the foreplay. It’s important not to put pressure on her to orgasm or rush the experience. Whether she does or doesn’t orgasm is not a reflection of you as a lover. The more relaxed she is and the more she feels you are fully present for her—reading her body’s signals, the more likely she will climax and also desire you and sex more often.

Focus on the pleasure you are both feeling rather than an end goal and it will be a more enjoyable experience.

Women are emotional beings. They feel and want different things every day, including sex, so it’s about tuning into their cues. It doesn’t mean you can’t take leadership of the sexual experience, but try to stay in tune with where she’s at, listening to her body and its feedback. Notice how she sounds, how she moves, and if she’s too quiet or frowning. These are all cues to understand if she’s in pleasure or not.

One thing women really love is your presence in the bedroom. You might think it’s normal to close your eyes and fantasize about something you saw in porn or someone else. If you do this, you take yourself and your partner out of the magical moment of deep connection, and women can feel this. Instead, try to be there in the moment, noticing how your partner’s skin feels, how she smells, how she looks when she’s aroused. Your presence in each moment will turn her on.

A woman’s nature can be unpredictable at times. That’s why she desires a person who is a leader and can be supportive, strong, powerful, and giving. She desires a man who understands, accepts her, and drives her wild with passion.

When she feels this palpable energy from you, it will create a beautiful synergy and balance where you both are for each other.

But don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and desire. Together, you will and can have epic love and passion.