Here’s an ugly fact: we repeat what’s familiar.

Our minds tend to repeat the same patterns because we know what to expect. Uncertainty is our worst enemy, and so we constantly find ourselves landing on the same territory that once felt promising and safe.

When it comes to our relationships, we’re masters at resurrecting the past. We end relationships and begin new ones unaware that, although it’s a new bond with a new person, we exhibit the same old behaviors.

Recently, I’ve become aware that old behaviors don’t serve new situations.

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It’s tough to dismantle what feels safe and familiar. It’s tough to look at situations and see them for what they are. Trust me, I’ve been trying hard to shed the layers that no longer serve me. But once we begin the shedding process, we’ll like our “new skin” better.

I haven’t changed. I’m still the same person—only more aware and adamant about becoming the best version of myself, especially in my relationship.

I’ve been doing things differently. I’m shedding light on dark places. I’m replacing old behaviors with new ones that feel right and have been greatly benefiting my relationship.

Here are 10 things that have positively transformed my relationship:

1. I watch my tone. Words are important, but the tone is essential. I’ve realized that people listen to our tone of voice, which contains everything we mean to say. Incorporating kindness and serenity into my words has been a game changer in my communication with my partner.

2. I let my partner be. The essence of love is to let the person we love be themselves. I don’t impose my opinions or will on my partner—I just share them.

3. No one’s wrong. And no one’s right. We might have different perceptions at times, and it’s totally normal and okay. My intention isn’t to win an argument.

4. I’m committed to spending time alone. I recharge. My partner recharges. Our relationship can breathe.

5. I check in with myself. Neglecting myself means neglecting my partner and our relationship. I constantly assess my needs and feelings and make sure there are no resentments or fake expectations.

6. Not everything should be solved. Not every fight needs a solution. Choosing our battles wisely saves both partners a lot of heartache and meaningless bitterness. Some fights are small and simply need some space and time to dissolve on their own.

7. I love my partner for who he is. The image I have of my partner in my mind is perfect—which means it’s nonexistent and problematic. No one’s perfect. I’m not perfect. Expectations hurt.

What are you doing differently in your own relationship? Share in comments.

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