I’m tired. The kind of tiredness that sleep won’t fix. I’m tired of the hate. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of the bullshit nothingness that seems to emanate from everywhere right now. Everything feels numb and frustrating at the same time. We’re not here to discuss that though.

I haven’t been writing. You’d think that being stuck at home would make for a perfect time to write. (note – it’s not). Work and home and schooling and everything right now doesn’t make for a good time. So, I figure I’d dust off something that has been in my drafts for nearly 2 years.

Did you know that I have a lot of things that annoy me? Stupid little things that are largely irrational   but annoy the shit out of me (to keep this light-hearted, I won’t list the non-irrational here)

To be clear, these are all ‘me’ things – it shouldn’t reflect on other people, it should all be a vessel to help explain how irrational I am.

Seriously though, when I say irrational, I mean it.

Let’s have a list, shall we –

• When people get out of my car before I put it into park and stop the car.
  What’s the fucking hurry you asshole? Are you in a rush? Is my driving bad? (no, it’s not, I’m great at driving). There is no reason for you to army roll out of my car when we arrive somewhere.
• “hehe”
  I don’t for one second believe that you laugh like that. Type haha or even LOL if you must.
• People using LOL in texts when they’re not laughing out loud
  I get it, it’s a force of habit or whatnot. It’s not a way to end a sentence and it doesn’t replace a full stop. OK, miss you, lol –  just no. Unless you’re laughing don’t do it. There are options “I find this mildly amusing” or  “What I just said maybe awkward or misconstrued – that is not the intention”
• Ikea
  There are too many people, it’s confusing, and the furniture is generally shit.
• When my sister heats chocolate soymilk up
  This is the one that sparked the entire list. I do not understand why you would heat a perfectly delicious beverage and ruin it. Just fucking ruin it. To be clear, I have no issues if Karly makes a hot chocolate, with soy milk and chocolate powder (or however), I have a specific issue when she heats Vitasoy Soy milky chocolate milk. It is like getting a fucking Big M and putting it in the microwave. It’s not fucking right.
• When a friend, let’s call her “Mooper” says “Laundrymat” instead of Laundromat
  You know what? Don’t say either and get a washing machine. (this one is particularly irrational because they can be called laundromats or laundrymats – whatever, it’s stupid)
• When people (generally men) stand in front of me in an elevator but then wait for me to exit the lift before them
  It’s not chivalry, it’s annoying and unnecessary.
• The sound of people eating or drinking
  This borders on non-irrational, because I know there’s an actual thing that annoys people, it’s still kind of silly though. Anyway, if I can hear you chew or gulp, I will leave the room and or conversation. Or I’ll turn the music on. Or I’ll imagine punching you.
• When people adjust the dual climate control in my car
  I get it. I do. Dual Climate control exists so both people can be at a reasonably ideal temperature, but once you change it, it stays like that, and I have to remember to turn it off. Try asking me “hey, can I turn the heat down/AC up”, I’ll either say yes, or I’ll tell you to use the dual climate control. Don’t assume I want you to touch my expensive fucking car.
• When there are multiple free toilets, and someone uses the one next to me
  Public toilets are gross, and nobody likes them. I don’t like hearing you any more than you like hearing me. So, keep your fucking distance you muppet.
• When people don’t let my car windows auto-roll up
  My auto-roll up function has one job, and by you not letting it do its job, it fails. No KPI’s are met.
• Toothpaste with screw tops instead of flip tops (and then when people squeeze from the middle)
  The squeezing from the middle thing is a common irrational hatred. You either do it, or you hate it. My irrational hate spreads further. I do not like Toothpaste with screw-on lids. This ruins my routine of picking up my toothbrush with one hand, and opening the toothpaste and applying it with the other. IT CREATES MORE EFFORT FOR SLEEPY TANYA. Honestly, why would you have a screw top? Idiots.
• People who call me for no reason. Have a reason.
  I spent a lot of time, between the hours of 8 am – 5 pm, Monday to Fridays, on the phone to people. It is part of the job. One of the very last things I want to do outside of these hours is unnecessarily be talking to people on my phone.
• Apples in Fruit Salad.
  I like apples. I do. They’re delicious, especially when they are in pie form. I have a specific issue with buying a fruit salad and it contains 90% apples, 10% other more delicious fruits. Then to add insult to injury, I get charged $7 for it. This same irrational hatred extends to getting a side order of salad which comprises 90% lettuce. Don’t be that person.

So there we have it. That list is by no means exhaustive, I’m sure I’ll remember more, or other people will remember how irrational I am and correct me.

I hope this has been mildly amusing for you or at least made you second guess being my acquaintance.

Irrationally yours,

Tanya