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Apparently, if you keep seeing your birthday numbers, it is a sign to trust your intuition and develop a relationship with yourself spiritually. Today, I did just that.

My day of birth was Friday, 6/18. I’ve been noticing the numbers “618” several times a day for the past few months, starting at the mental health facility.

A few days before I began my 33rd lap around the sun, I checked the weather forecast and journaled these words.

“I can’t wait for the rain to come…so I can let my tears fall. Though my heart may race and I might want to run, I need to breathe out what no longer serves me, wash it away—all that I’ve gathered and held onto. I need to release the hold of welled-up clouds with my Mama, nature…to cleanse my energy. Even if I last only a moment, I feel called to reconnect. Bring on the rain.”

A week later, I sat on my couch in tears. This was not the first time I had cried, today. It’s been an emotional week. Hell, it’s been an emotional life. But during this moment, I had just been on the receiving end of my teenage daughter’s pent-up pain, which always cuts me deeply.

She had just stormed out of the house. I saw that it was sprinkling and I thought, “Let her go. She needs it, to let the rain wash her pain away.” 

I sat here breathing through my feelings, wiping down my remotes with antibacterial wipes, cleaning off the coffee table, feeling, and processing.

I noticed the rain started coming down a little bit harder. When I looked through my window, it was as if I had heard mother nature whisper, “I’m crying, too. Come cry with me.”

Normally, I carry my purse with me everywhere I go. It has everything I need to calm myself in it. I’m a neurotic agoraphobic so what happened next was huge for me.

I went outside and I walked further than the doorway, without the sensation of chains attached to my ankles. Without the racing heart, dizziness, or blurred vision.

I felt the warm wet cement on my feet. I stared at my tree and watched the rain fall between us. I closed my eyes, put my arms in the air, took a deep breath in, and let another tear out. Mother nature and I felt as one.

I walked back inside and smiled to myself as I resumed my usual seat on the couch. A few moments later, the sun peeked out, and my daughter joined me.

It wasn’t a long enough rain to wash it all away, but it was enough to remind me that this is all natural.

~