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With restrictions lifting, as more people get vaccinated against Covid-19, many are returning to the before times with abandon.

Masks are coming off faster than clothes during a late-night hookup, social calendars are filling to capacity, and FOMO is back big time. You remember FOMO, that “Fear of Missing Out” on the super fun thing everyone else is doing.

One positive thing about lockdown was the death of FOMO because it’s impossible to have FOMO when you know everyone is doing the same thing. And one thing that shouldn’t return to “normal” is how we think about scheduling our time. Are we really missing out if we’re not at that party that looks so spectacular on Instagram? If we’re honest with ourselves, many of us know deep down that if we really were there, we’d rather be home in our comfy, cozy clothes watching “The Handmaid’s Tale.”

In fact, I was having dinner at a local restaurant the other day when I overheard a woman at the table next to me talking about the pure exhaustion she was experiencing from just thinking about the things she had committed to just so she doesn’t miss out. She lowered her voice and said to her friend that what she actually wanted to do was cancel all of her commitments and just stay home. Same?

Not everyone is ready to go masks off, full throttle, and that is 100 percent okay. You do you. FOMO is fear-based—you don’t feel you’re enough, you don’t feel included, you don’t feel loved, you don’t feel supported. You’re living either in the past or the future but you’re not living in the present at all. You’re existing in a low vibration, and it’s like being on a hamster wheel chasing a carrot on a stick. There is no end to the chase, and the carrot isn’t even real.

If you think of FOMO as fear of missing out, you’ll always be missing out instead of opting into what you actually want. Let’s start by redefining FOMO. Instead of fear of missing out, let’s think: focus, observe, manifest, and obtain.

Focus

If you’re like me, you’ve used the past year and a half of restricted movement to reevaluate your life and decide what you really want. Before you say yes to that White Claw brunch, ask yourself if you really want to go or if you’re just worried you’ll feel pangs of regret when you see the selfies on Instagram. Ask yourself: What would I rather be doing instead? What will help me move closer to the life I actually want to live?

Observe

Observation is a big part of breathwork and any form of meditation. Observe your FOMO feelings. Acknowledge that they are coming from a place of anxiety and fear, and gently release them. You can even do this while performing a breathing exercise. Breathe in for a count of four and observe the feeling. Hold that breath for a count of four while you acknowledge that feeling. Breathe out for a count of four and release that feeling.

Manifest

Once you’ve decided that the White Claw brunch with 50 of your closest friends is no longer your jam, it’s time to manifest what is. If you have a vision board, take a good look at it. What have you ignored? What do you want to reassess? What are you no longer interested in? If you don’t have a vision board you can simply take a mental inventory. Once you have this clear in your head, focus your intentions, meditations, and actions in this direction. Speak, live, and act as if what you want is already true.

Obtain

This is the part where all of your hard work (and resistance of your before times FOMO) pays off. If you have truly focused on what you really want, observed, and released your fears, and then worked to manifest, you can now harvest the fruits of your new reality.

I’m making this sound really easy, but it’s hard work. It’s hard until it’s not. When we’re living in fear, we’re often holding our breath, and we’re usually stuck in our overthinking mind. Practicing breathwork—a two-part breath that’s done lying down (the first breath is an inhale through the belly, the second breath is an inhale through the heart, and then you exhale out your mouth) grounds our mind and body in the present moment. It’s impossible to fear missing out when you’re living in the present.

When we’re doing breathwork, we can push the fear out, observe our feelings, get off the hamster wheel, and exist in a higher vibration. Performing this practice regularly can help you live in the present “focus, observe, manifest, obtain” realm, and not in some future-based fear-of-missing-out world.

The more we feel at home in our own skin when we’re owning our superpowers and we’re owning our superstar selves, the more it’s just like the saying “you can’t touch this” because we don’t have to reject ourselves anymore. It’s an everyday thing in some way, shape, or form. Because again, we’re on the densest planet of the highest evolved beings. That’s why it feels like work.

If you’re ready to do that work, I’m here to walk beside you. Join my weekly group breathwork class on Zoom and get started focusing on manifesting your new reality today.

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