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A twin flame is defined as your “mirror soul”—your soul’s other half.

It is based on the idea that there is one soul split in half. Your relationship with the person who shares this karmic connection is bound to be intense, earth-shattering, and will most likely end up in healing.

I have often heard people talking against the twin flame notion. They say the concept just enables toxic relationships to repeat over and over, breaking one of the two individuals mentally. However, I believe that the twin flame is not meant to be there forever. It just keeps coming back until the universe has taught you a lesson. A lesson that despite lacking this mirror connection, your soul, in reality, is whole. Yet to do so you need to go through seven stages of this powerful relationship.

The seven stages are:

Stage 1: Meeting up.

I still remember when I first met my twin flame 14 years ago. We were on a first coffee date. His appearance was frankly average but the discussion was interesting. Too interesting. And suddenly he looked at me, smiled an almost arrogant smile, and said, “You are attracted to me. Your pupils are dilating.” I remember chuckling back and exclaiming, You arrogant son of a b*tch!”

I went home thinking that this was one interesting guy but I’d hate someone who could be so cocky. Seconds later, a text message came from him asking for a dinner date. I immediately answered yes.

This is how twin flames relationships mostly start. There is an intense attraction at the beginning. It’s a moth/flame for both of you and once you meet, you can never go back.

Stage 2: The dating honeymoon phase.

Like the start of every relationship, there is this glorious rose-tinted stage where everything is good and blissful. There is lots of love and affection. It is like the world no longer exists outside the two of you and social rules don’t apply.

I still remember myself curled next to him after what seemed like hours of sex. Before meeting this guy I could never describe myself as a passionate person. Yet this man always managed to make me kiss and make out in public like a teenager. I remember once pushing him against the wall and kissing so intensely that once we stopped our lips were puffy and swollen. Sex was glorious and the post-sex cuddles were made me feel secure. We both didn’t care about work or family and friends. The two of us were enough.

Stage 3: Challenges arise.

Like in all twin flame relationships, sooner or later wounds come to the surface and the most difficult part of this cycle begins.

In my situation, he was an overthinker and I was not. Everything I did had to be analyzed. Every word surely had a different meaning. I was often questioned if I was angry, if I was sad, or if I was truly happy. I would lose my patience with him and I would stop texting, not wanting to explain or defend my feelings. Then the phone calls would start to become frantic until I switched off my phone, wondering what I could have said that had triggered his insecurities this time.

Stage 4: Separation.

This is the part when one of the twin flames decides to call quits on the relationship.

Around three months into the relationship, I was drained and you could see it. Until one day he sent a text telling me he wanted us to stop seeing each other. He described our relationship as a train wreck bound to happen. I was angry. I lashed out and told him his insecurities were killing us, and then I cut off contact.

Stage 5: The chase and repeat. 

Ironically, stage 5 is the one that keeps the cycle repeating. It doesn’t matter who ends the relationship, one of the two will always initiate contact at some point.

Four months after cutting all ties, he started texting me again. At first, I resisted answering back, but three weeks later we ended up repeating the cycle all the way to stage 4. Then it ended. Ironically, it took us 14 years and many relationships with other people to fully let each other go.

Stage 6: Knowing yourself without your twin flame.

This stage takes place while both flames are away from each other. It’s usually when someone enters a calm and functional relationship with another person or themselves. It is during this time that we learn about our insecurities and drawbacks. We learn about our limits and boundaries.

It goes without saying that even though stages 1-5 will restart with your twin flame, the intensity of the relationship each time will not be the same, nor the problems. It is as if the twin flame relationship will bring a different drawback into the light and a new lesson will be learned.

I, for example, needed to work on my sense of self. I was a person who loved unconditionally, without enforcing healthy boundaries. Each time I met with my twin flame, it highlighted my inability to set boundaries and to let myself be angry when necessary. I would only get angry at the inevitable ending, which left me alone and feeling betrayed. On his end, he needed to learn how to think less and go with the flow. He needed to learn that people have limitations and need space. We were, therefore, unhealthy for each other.

Stage 7: Lessons learned.

Though many people believe that once the lessons are learned then the twin flames can be together forever, I believe that it is time to truly set each other free as there is no longer this need to complete each other. Each has its own complete flame now.

I parted ways with my twin flame a month ago. This was our last time together. We were both healed from our shortcomings and ready to face each other. We dated and for the first time, we met each other and learned about each other as people. I remember us both realizing that we still liked each other as individuals, but with the ache no longer existing, we just preferred each other as cordial acquaintances.

“So what do we do now?” he asked. “Are we supposed to hate each other now?” 

“Do you hate me?” I asked in all seriousness.

“No, I treasure you. But how do we explain this to the world? We aren’t lovers and we can’t be friends. How do you define us?”

“I can’t define us. All I can say is that it has been one hell of a ride but it’s time for us to find our way.”

We said goodbye and parted ways. It was over, but now, we each had our own flame.

~