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“Well, you know, you get what you deserve.”

I believe this phrase can have a real negative impact on others. It can instantly trigger insecurities, fears, and traumas because it assumes we deserved everything we’ve been through.

“You deserved the abuse.”

“You deserved to be cheated on.”

“You deserved to be left with a broken heart.”

“You deserved the trauma.”

However, I am going through another major change in my life, and I have created another meaning to this phrase. After breaking up with an ex-partner who I absolutely adored, I now use this daily mantra to keep me moving forward: “I get what I deserve.”

So, how do I use this phrase to help me rise above it all and empower myself?

It all breaks down to two notions:

1. It allows me to see what I never deserved.

As much as I loved my ex-partner, I felt like the other relationships in his life were often put before ours. We postponed living together, and, in the end, he left me.

When we finally broke up, and despite feeling like I lost my soulmate and the most compassionate person I have ever met, I started putting the “we get what we deserve” mantra in my meditation.

I knew I loved him, but in this relationship, I got what I wasn’t deserving.

I didn’t deserve being pushed aside every day. So in a way, I want to believe that my ex ended our relationship in order to let me live how I deserve.

2. It allows me to focus on what I truly deserve.

Once I knew what I didn’t deserve, I was able to focus on what I wanted. I took the pain of my previous relationship and used it to heal and set my goals.

I deserve a happy life with a happy partner. I deserve to have a non-complicated relationship with my partner’s family. I deserve to come first when needed. Overall, I deserve a future where I see myself living on my own terms.

This mantra, of course, does not limit itself to romantic connections. I use it in my field of work, in my relationships with my students, and in my everyday life.

“We get what we deserve” is an ambiguous phrase, I know, but it has so many layers underneath it.

The hidden meaning being this phrase might be that, in the end, we need to seek what we deserve.