She’s always cared about what people have thought of her

her face her skin her clothes

She’s always cared about what judgments they had that could or would reaffirm those insecurities that lived inside

She’s always cared about what they would think of her

What impression she’d make in a split moment of saying “hi”

She’s always cared about how her life would look to the outside world

For it isn’t conventional or celebrated

She’s always cared so much about these people

Their thoughts and perceptions

judgements

praise

she cared more about them than her

But it was less of caring about them and more care of how they could hurt her ego

Her ego that was a disguise

A survival way of behaving

A thing this little girl built

For it has a home within but not a pretty one

Rather,

it was a house that felt lonely and bare

Like a prison where no one else was invited in

Holding people at arm’s length

From getting to know the real her,

From getting to know the real them

After years of staying,

staying in this house so cold and isolating

She decided to step outside

Outside into a her she was unknown of

Unknown, yet more knowing since this old part of her was a girl she no longer knew to be

For this rebirth version was no longer choosing this prison that has kept her hostage in her own mind

Her mind filled with other people’s words which no longer served this little girl

This little girl who wants to

dance

play

and connect

Who wants to travel and learn

And most of all,

who wants to be heard unapologetically and free

Free from all those people she cared so much about

Because now

Now it is her, she cares the most.