A lot of us seek personal transformation not knowing how to invoke such a major change in life. We waste energy on false starts or take a few steps in the right direction, only to discover that previous habits and conditioning bring us back to where we started, or very close to that.

What it takes to make an essential change is planning and consciousness. You must realize what your goal is and then write down on paper how you plan to achieve it. The technique is the same whether you are looking for a change in your relationship, career, or inner growth. Consciousness is the moving force behind all life changes, but it can’t help you until you set a direction.

Here are 10 steps that should be included into your action plan.

Step 1: Make a Clear Intention

Everyone’s mind is full of desires, wishes, dreams, and memories, creating different types of intentions. To be supported in what you want, your intention has to be clear and focused. Don’t think, “I want to change my life.” Be specific and precise: “I want my relationship to improve,” for example, is a little more clear. But focus needs to be even sharper, such as “I want to open up to my partner and be able to talk about feelings.”

Step 2: Listen to Yourself and Allow Your Wish to Ripen and Mature

In other words, meditate on your intention. Close your eyes, sit quietly, center yourself. It might be beneficial to gently follow your breath for a minute or two. Visualize what you want to achieve. Don’t force the images and don’t fantasise. See the change you wish for as clearly as you might see what your house looks like. Be realistic and calm as you see the new beginnings that you want to happen.

Step 3: Feel Your Reaction to Intention

As you mediate on your desired change, different feelings and sensations will probably arise. Not all might be positive. You might feel resistance or discouragement or anxiety. This is good, because only in daydreams does everything look easy and perfect, because you’re in a state of fantasy. By feeling the resistance inside yourself, you are getting closer to a realistic outcome that’s effective.

Step 4: Let the Path Unfold

To get to your life change, you will be making a lot of little decisions in the following days. You can’t predict what these will be. In fact, for most people, looking ahead brings discouragement. They don’t see a clear way, and unknown challenges are for sure to occur. To prevent this kind of self-defeatism, don’t try to predict the future or conquer the unknown. Let the path unfold, which means letting go.

Step 5: Cope With Your Resistance

This, too, is a place where many people fail. After seeing how much benefit they’d get from a life change, they find it too hard to deal with their inner resistance. By resistance I mean the feelings that say “No” to your intention. These can be caused by insecurity, past failure, inertia, doubt, anxiety—the list can go on forever. But realistically, everyone has these resistances, including the people who successfully overcame them.

Step 6: Make a Plan to Overcome Obstacles

As depressing as it seems when you think of how much inner resistance you might have, splitting it into workable pieces is key. Sit down and rationally plan what you need to do and what is actually possible. I am a strong believer in bringing together allies to help with any key life change. Doing it by yourself sounds bold, but it actually isolates you and makes you vulnerable. Choose someone you can trust, whether it’s a confidant, spouse, mentor, or therapist. Pick a person who takes your life change as seriously as you do. Meet often, and share what’s happening emotionally, because your emotional landscape is bound to change as you experience any major shift.

Step 7: Pursue Only What’s Possible

With your ally or allies, make a list in three columns. In these columns you are going to evaluate what needs to change. Column 1 is about things you can start to improve. Column 2 includes the things you have to put up with—for now. Column 3 is for the things you have to walk away from. Take your time. Go back to your lists repeatedly, until you get a clear view of your situation. Only then should you act.

Step 8: Achieve Something Positive

Success breeds success. Start noticing the little things that you feel more confident about. Don’t tackle huge personal issues in your life. Chop away at them through action you can control. It really helps to find someone who has achieved the goal you have set for yourself. Asking someone who’s been there is invaluable.

Step 9: See the Project as an Inner Path

Even though you’re taking action, the real change will happen in your own awareness. Walk the path as an inner path; observe what’s happening inside—a journal is a good idea here. By being self-aware, you give old habits and conditioning less of an opportunity to pull you backward. And if you do take a step back, note it, forgive yourself, and regroup. No matter what happens in the outside world, no one can take your inner path away from you.

Step 10: Connect with Higher Guidance

Depending on your personal beliefs, you can look to God, your soul, your higher self, your inner source—the terminology is not significant. What you need is a connection with whatever makes you feel trusting and safe. Only with such a connection are major life changes achieved. For me, the path to the core of my being is through meditation, so I recommend it strongly. But it’s up to you to connect with your own core, the place where desires meet fulfilment.