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“People living deeply have no fear of death…” ~ Anais Nin

There is a great chasm of intensity many of us are navigating these days on the daily, whether pushed into the fires of transformation by physical ailments or dis-ease, loss of loved ones or loss in the various nuances of the word, or other emotional or mental disturbances. This may be coming through as great and immense pain or suffering, as if we are dying and unsure of any new life coming through after the deepest letting go perhaps many of us have ever endured.

For those us in the thick of it, we may feel like there’s no way out of the darkness. As if this darkness is now our lived and breathed fate. As if the dawning of the new day will never come. Hope seems fleeting or completely devoid of any real long-lasting relief or substance in the intense healing journey we are one.

We are treading water most days. Many of us are traversing an individual death of our former selves, a death of some sort of previously guaranteed upon platform of stability beneath our feet. But, the ground has been shaking, tremors of tectonic plates shifting and shifting fast and hard beneath our feet.

It’s no wonder our minds have been clouded over by the darkness, by the feeling of utter despair and collapse more days than we ever believed we could survive.

The earth consciousness is changing, as are we. Dying a quick, or for those fighters in us (hello, inner resistance) a long drawn out bloodbath. Having resistance doesn’t make us un-spiritual though; it makes us gosh darn human. So human. So vulnerable. So afraid to be made vulnerable. So afraid still of this looming death sentence.

Prior to these last few months, we could have believed we had been through the thick of it. God knows, we hoped that we had. But, this last month has shown us even more intimately so, the depths of darkness and shadow that many moons ago we would have ran in the opposite direction away from. That’s reason enough these days for a celebratory high five to yourself. You are facing this sh*t, head onnnn. Even if most days you want to curl into the fetal position or bury your head back into the quicksand of unconsciousness.

Trust me, I get it. I want that too, a lot of these days. I wonder some days if I am the only one going through a death process. But, then I speak to a friend or a stranger and am reminded of this mirror effect going on right now. We are all in some small or bigger way mirroring back to each other our more internally-felt process. And, that was the point of this whole incarnation right? To evolve and ascend together.

Perhaps, it’s because we have been knee-deep in Libra energy this last month, the energy of relationships, of the “other,” of who-am-I-in-relationship-to-this-person/place/thing? Relationships of all types have been a huge focus this last month. Relationship in all meanings of the word, to our jobs, to our bodies, to our health, to our emotions, to our homes, to our fears. Because rarely is it the “thing” itself that’s the issue or disturbance (unless it is), but rather, our relationship to the thing is more so what plagues and haunts us. How are we relating to this disturbance in mind, body, emotions, or spirit?

With both the Sun and Mercury in Libra, we have gotten a heavy dose of this relational energy, especially around our communication (Mercury). With Mercury now in its post-shadow phase for about two more weeks (which can actually be more intense than the retrograde itself), we’ve been reflecting on our means of communication to self and other. How have we been using our words to disempower/empower ourselves or our relationships?

Our power is, in fact, never in what is happening. But, in how we are choosing to perceive it. Perception literally wires our biology for more chaos or more serenity. And, no it’s not f*cking easy to reroute the train of fear, panic, or sympathetic arousal once it begins.

That’s where more of that observer, third-party perspective can perhaps be cultivated more of. But, first, feel the emotions. Feel the suckiness of it all. Really honor wherever you are at. And, no, despite the new age fear-mongering of attracting more negativity by feeling your more “negative,” dense emotions, this is not how it actually works.

Authenticity always wins out, first and foremost. You owe it to yourself the most to be authentic with however you are feeling. Don’t betray yourself by pretending to “love and light” it all away. We are deep in a time now where only authenticity will prevail. In relation to ourselves and to others.

To aid us in this process of further authentic expression and cultivation of our heart’s greatest longing, we will have a full moon, landing in the fiery sign of Aries on October 20 at 10:57 a.m. ET. It’s time to get real with ourselves about what’s working and what isn’t. Radical self-honesty by first radical self-exposure.

Aries is the warrior, the first of the zodiac wheel, the leader, the center of self. Aries begs the question: who am I as an individual incarnation of the one spirit emanating through us all? Aries invites us into this next chapter, to begin the process of our inevitable rebirth. The last full moon landed in Pisces, which allowed us endings of epic proportions, perhaps of the deepest kind of endings—of our own emotional attachments.

The Aries full moon asks us, more like, pushes us into the energy of these new beginnings screaming our name at this point in time. There is no denying what has been calling to us the last six months. Begging us to let go. To surrender the fears. To step into the blank slate of potent possibility, even if it feels like utter confusion and disorientation at first.

Our human self still may have its lamenting thoughts and feelings in the matter. And, that’s okay. We are human and spirit after all. The spirit knows what is best for us now. The test is in how deeply we can keep surrendering to the mission and call of the soul.

Many of us have been in Warrior Mode. Heck, many of us have been in this mode most of our existence. We are really good at fighting, at pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps and carrying on, on rallying that fire energy within us to overcome, to conquer. That masculine energy of overpower and dominate over. Believing that maybe if we just push hard enough we can Kung-Foo that giant obstacle in our path with one fail kick….or ten.

And, maybe this Warrior energy has worked for us more often than not, giving us a solid feedback loop of, “Hey, this works! And, this is my one lifeline to bulldoze my way out of pain or discomfort.”

Aries energy would concur with this charge ahead mentality. But, this full moon is already making some aspects to other warrior energy, forming a T-square to Mars and Pluto, so perhaps we don’t need to cultivate more warrior energy. Mars is that warrior action. Pluto is death/rebirth/transformation. Combined with the moon (our emotions and subconscious programs), we are getting a swift kick in the behind to say, “Less fight, more allowing.” We can allow the fires of death to purify us by letting go of the inner resistance that is saying “I don’t like this, and there is something wrong with what’s happening.”

What if we dropped the belief that there was something wrong with what is happening? How would that shift in relational energy change our experience? By opening and allowing what is here to be here (no matter how horrible it feels), we create more space for the “thing” to work its way through us. And, maybe, just maybe, at some point, we can have that hindsight or mid-process bird’s-eye view that this situation is actually helping us. And, thus can enter gratitude.

But, again, we can only meet ourselves where we are. If we are in self-pity, let’s be in self-pity fully. And whatever fears we have around completely surrendering to that may just vanish.

This full moon is opposing the sun in Libra, shining a light on the juxtaposition of self and other. Aries wants us to be self-independent. Libra asks us to lean into our relationships. In astrology, we normally have these dual, seemingly polar experiences happening at once. Perhaps, we are seeing even more deeply how everything is one, not one in the same, but a part of the one breathed human/spiritual experience. We are vast enough to dance between polarities.

This full moon, we are being initiated into our new beginning, ready or not. But, we are ready. Even if it all feels a bit or a lot chaotic these days. Like we are being stripped down, pulled inside and out, our prior form and self being squeezed through a birthing canal.

Our illusions are being shattered and purified in one single breath. We are being liberated by all that’s held us back even if at first it feels like further imprisonment and restriction. This is so we can truly feel and know the illusion of this separation and pattern that’s held onto us for who knows how long. What would it feel like to truly liberate and free the self (Aries)?

It’s already happening. Nothing needs to be done or to be forced. Breathe deeply. Ask for help. Ask for all the support you need to go through this rebirth. You are a divine child of the universe and are worth every penny, every ounce and energy of support.

Keep going. Remember to give yourself extra nurturing and nourishment. Even small acts of self-care are an investment. The journey from death back into life was not made for the faint of heart, dear soul. But. you dear soul, have no shortage of strength, resilience and inner radiance to shine through the darkness no matter how badly it wants to convince you of its false power.

Set fire to all the lies you’ve believed about yourself. Set fire to the illusions. Set fire to the deadened decay of worn-out growth. You are made of water, so let the water within you do its job, to cleanse, to allow more ease in the transmutation. Breathe it out with the lungs, release stagnation of holding patterns. Root down deeply now into the marrow of the earth. She’s got you.

Allow. Allow. Allow.

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More about this full moon: What to Expect from Full Moon in Aries in Mercury Retrograde’s Post-Shadow. {October 20}