I grew up in a pretty little how town yet I have a brain tumour anyway.

The town where we live now is even more pretty, not so little, but just as how. Still the thing is in

there and has to come out. That’s what I told my friend Carmel and she said that sounds bad. True, but I

have to be honest about it. The thing is IN there and has to come OUT. Funny that I’m thinking with my

brain while there is a Thing in it. Have got to tell my parents but dreading it, maybe I’ll write an email

to give them the vague idea that all’s not well on the Barbara front. A phone call is more personal but I

don’t think I can do it. Maybe later.

Dear Mum,

Looks like the dizziness I was having and rainbow vision is something worse than “Silent Migraines”

I may have to have an operation. I’m scheduled for a biopsy in June so we won’t be coming to visit this year.

Meghan will be disappointed for sure. But I’m sure she’ll find lots of fun things to do this summer, and Ian will definitely fly kites with her since he’s back into that hobby again.

I’m sure they’ll be fine on their own, since I’m only going to be in hospital for 3 days – they might get hungry though!

Wait and see what her reaction is. Hope she’s not too upset. She’ll tell all my brothers the news and then I won’t have to. But Dad.

In the hospital: I gather the lady in the bed next to me fell off a motorcycle and hurt her head. Not wearing a helmet…

She makes beeping sounds because she’s got a kind of machine beside her, it makes her want to imitate it for some reason.

Also, out in the hallway there’s the sound of a chime and every time it goes wheeee ooooo she yells out Taco Bell.

I think the chime sound happens when someone presses their HELP button.

The nurse runs in when I press my help button and I point and say that lady threw her diaper on the floor.

First I hear a crinkling then I hear a flump as the wet diaper hits the floor between our beds. I guess it felt weird to her and she couldn’t stand it,

but when I thought of the mess on her sheets I had to notify someone.

Poor nurses, always running around cleaning up messes. One of them said to me how nice it was to have someone to talk to in this ward, “Most are out of it,” she said.

But I only had a biopsy so my thinking is just fine. I don’t really feel like chatting though.

The doctor did it without anesthetic which was bizarre. He said it would be no different from going to the dentist but it would be the top of my head being drilled!

He doesn’t know what a phobia I have about dentists or he wouldn’t have used that analogy.

The brain feels no pain, once they numb the scalp there’s no pain at all so it wasn’t even as bad as going to the dentist. At least for me.

The steel frame they screwed onto my head into left a couple of injuries on my forehead where I’ve got two

bandaids now.

I joked to the guys who wheeled me to the MRI machine that “I don’t want to scare any children, I look like Frankenstein.” They chuckled but seemed to be a bit surprised that I was making jokes about it.

I knew it was unlikely that there were going to be any children on the way to the MRI machine, and I also know Frankenstein was NOT the name of the monster but I had to lighten the mood. Everyone was feeling sorry for me.

Thank God my parents invited Meghan to come out and stay with them for the week. I tried to imagine her travelling on that plane by herself, she’s only eleven but she’s quite mature so I think she’d be fine.

She’d enjoy the adventure. As long as she had a nice meal and a window seat she’d be happy. As long as the person sitting beside her was friendly.

The two of us have gone to visit my parents every summer since we moved out west, they paid for our tickets because they didn’t want to miss seeing Meghan growing up. Ian was less interested in visiting family.

Now a male and female nurse enter our room and are doing something to the lady, giving her a wash. The sound of sheets being whipped back and grunts from a heavy person who is being lugged.

I can’t see what’s happening because the curtain is pulled shut but I hear him asking her questions and SHE ANSWERS BACK:

“Where’d you get your piece?

Big Johns.

Oh he’s the best, I’ve heard of him.

Yah.

I was thinking of getting one. Maybe I should get it from him.

Yep.”

Her piece or her peace… what the hell is that? probably a tattoo. At least he got her talking.