While we were busy carping at one another over our stance on vaccines, a woman’s right to have an abortion after six weeks of pregnancy was taken away in Texas.

Nobody should lose their rights because we’re more concerned with being right than being loving; driven by fear rather than leading with our hearts.

Women, nothing’s going to get fixed by blaming the patriarchy – those who are responsible are either long dead or, if living, don’t care what you think. And they don’t care about you or your offspring aside from their value as labor in a workforce of the future where they most likely won’t be needed. They may very well have convinced themselves they’re serving the common good; the “common good” is an oxymoron. Their belief in their world view is what makes them both convincing and dangerous. They are not your friend. They’re not even their own friend. And you cannot beat them on their own terms. 

You will know you’re amongst friends when your system settles, when you can relax, when there’s no dissonance between what you’re hearing and what you’re feeling. It is a skill that can be practiced; coming back into our bodies, feeling the pain and transmuting it. 

The men who want to help, can help and will help to bring the world into balance, are not going to honor you if you expect us to apologize for being masculine. Please get on our side. Those of us who see the wisdom in honoring you will gladly do that if you let us, if you’ll receive us, teach us, love and respect us. 

And men, be the King who knows how to treat the Queen – and all women are Queens. Some just need to be reminded, others want to be sure you recognize them when you see them; they’re sizing you up to make sure you’re worth the investment. 

That’s your job; to be that man. If she tells you she doesn’t trust you, don’t take offense. Thank her for her willingness to be open to you. Find out what it is in her system that’s telling her to stop or slow down, and listen. Don’t defend yourself. She’s not going to respect you, nor will you respect yourself, if you start whining. Ask her questions and if something feels off to you let her know. Without blame. Slow down and stay in the conversation. Let the silence be a place for you to rest and for her to have space to let what wants to happen come through. And if nothing does, that’s fine too. There’s a lot in there, most of which doesn’t even belong to her. You do not want all of that to come out and hit you at once; you will drown. She’s not too much, she’s backed up from lifetimes of repression. If you can sit with all of that and keep leading with your heart, you’ll arrive at a place you could not have come anywhere near had you closed down to her, and she will open. Put your ego aside. Being humble isn’t weak. Maybe your mother was an overbearing bitch – trust me on this: I know – and there’s a part of you that’s still trying to please her, using every woman in your life as a blank screen to project her on. Stop that. Please. First, it wasn’t your mother’s fault and, second, if you ever hope to have a good relationship with a good woman you’re going to get your ass kicked and your ego battered. Trust me, I know this too. 

And it’s worth it.