Have you ever stood in your deep fear and pain? Sometimes in our lives, we can’t distract ourselves anymore and we have to stand and face what’s happening. This usually occurs when life essentially falls apart. You might lose a loved one, a marriage ends, you lose your job, or are diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. It was not so common for people to go through the Dark Night of the Soul before covid hit. However, it’s something that many of us have faced since. We all lost things that mattered to us and were confronted with things that scared us. Coming through to the other side is the reward but not everyone does make it through.

If we look to the behaviors many of us exhibited like drinking too much or eating too much comfort food, this was a stage of avoidance. During this time, I had a lot of deep fears and had gone through some trauma to get back to Canada. At the time the pandemic began, I was living in Vietnam and had no intention of going back. I was supposed to run a yoga retreat in Thailand with my sister and then go to Italy to be with my partner. All of that fell apart. I came back to Canada and spent a few months eating comfort food and feeling angry at the world. Looking back, I wished I had just been willing to walk the Dark Night of the Soul and deal with the pain of so much loss. Instead, I numbed myself and wasn’t able to move past things. I ended up going to Italy, which was great because I found another way to pick myself up but that would only prove to be instant gratification and dodging the reality of my feelings.

Fast forward a year later and I finally surrendered to walking the Dark Night of the Soul. I had terrible nightmares that would wake me up with a pounding heart and a bed saturated with sweat. I sat in those moments that are almost impossible to bear. I have wished I was dead instead of having to feel that kind of emotional pain that feels like a terminal illness to the heart center. What I have learned is that when I came through the night and morning arrives, I have changed. I am pure, I am strong, I am reborn. I have evolved and am wiser.

Many of us are now facing the Dark Night of the Soul. Psychologists have found that people who never had depression before are now feeling it’s negative effects. There are clinical tests one can take but many people wouldn’t be considered depressed. It is the nature of the situation we are in that is causing a new kind of mental illness. The Dark Night of the Soul is really scary for anyone but especially for those who have not considered the meaning of their life or spent time reflecting.

It is general explanation on how we are feeling and what we are going through. During these times, many have lost a lot. There aren’t many who have thrived. The world got serious, and nobody has been left untouched. The phrase, “the Dark Night of the Soul” is used informally to explain a difficult, painful period in someone’s life. Maybe it was the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage, loss of job, or a life-threatening illness. There is a poem, La noche oscura del alma from the 16th century. It was written by a Spanish mystic and poet St. John of the Cross. (Reference)

Psychiatry and the Dark Night of the Soul

The study of the anatomy of unhappiness reveals the theory of the Dark Night of the Soul. Thomas Moore once said, “there are many ways to be happy that don’t lead to depression.” Life throws its curve balls, and we can’t always be happy. The CDC reported a lot of suicide attempts during 2020. In psychology, they usually find that suicide cases involved major depressive episodes. Since the pandemic, the way people are dealing with emotions have radically changed. The psychiatry profession as a whole is shifting perspective from strictly clinical to spiritual importance. Specifically what mystics call “the Dark Night of the Soul.”

Demoralization is a syndrome that is different from depression. Its characteristics are distress and subjective incompetence. Patients have lost the meaning and purpose to life. There is a feeling that they’re not supported socially. They feel trapped and being a failure. They are pessimistic and feel a general sense of hopelessness. The quality of life and how they cope are influences negatively by their state of mind. There is an element of suicidal thoughts with a wish for hastened death. Psychologist John F. Schumaker says demoralization is “an overarching psycho-spiritual crisis in which victims feel generally disoriented and unable to locate meaning, purpose, or sources of need fulfilment.” (References: here and here)

Despair and the Dark Night of the Soul

Psychiatrist Kenneth Gilbert, MD, states that some of his patients did not seem to “feel that their own lives are worth protecting” or that “their own lives are worth living.” These were people that had substance use disorders who ended up dying via opioid overdose. Fatal outcomes like this are what we might call deaths of despair. Despair is considered an entire want of hope. Despair has been linked with higher rates of substance abuse and suicides in youth. Despair has indicators like feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, not feeling loved, feeling worthless, chronic worry, self-pity, and loneliness. Despair has ravaged across the globe in the past 18 months. We have all felt at least one of the emotions since covid hit. (Reference)

Surviving the Dark Night

Thomas Moore is a psychotherapist and former Catholic monk. He wrote the book, Dark Nights of the Soul. In the book, Moore writes, “The dark night calls for a spiritual response, not only a therapeutic one.” The dark night calls upon the affected person “to remain in the present, not bound or deluded by the past and not imprisoned in a fixed and defensive idea about the future…the most difficult challenge is to let the process take place, and yet that is the only release from the pressure of the dark night.”

It’s sad to know that not everyone will survive the Dark Night of the Soul. Some will die by their own hand. Even some who survive will see that life isn’t as bright, successful, or meaningful as you might hope. However, some who survive the Dark Night of the Soul will create new meaning in their lives.

What is the Dark Night of the Soul spiritually?

In Catholicism, the term “Dark Night of the Soul” is described as a spiritual crisis in the journey to your union with God. It is said that a spiritual crisis is temporary but can last awhile. When we feel lost and we don’t believe in anything larger than us, we can fall deeply into despair. The world can no longer be lived in a materialistic way. The Dark Night of the Soul often arrives as a result of an extremely difficult outside circumstance like death of a loved one, a marriage breaks up, or someone is diagnosed with a terminal illness.

It is a spiritual process where the seed of your life is buried in the soil of suffering. The birth of our true self can happen when we experience the highly uncomfortable process that is the Dark Night of the Soul. We feel confused, lost, and in thick darkness.

The Dark Night of the Soul in spiritual terms based on the journey you’re taking is in the following stages:

The sponge

The satoru self

The soul sessions

The surrender

Awareness and service

Navigating the Dark Night of the Soul

I surrender to not understanding

I surrender to not knowing

I surrender to allowing the answers to come to me in their own time

I surrender to not seeing the path right now

I surrender to just being

Surviving the Dark Night of the Soul

If you can walk through to the other side, you will have evolved in some way, shape, or form. It’s not easy though and to make it through to gain the benefits, there are a few things to help you.

Withdraw

Find a safe place where you can be in solitude. Sit still and meditate.

Get Rest

Allow yourself the space to rest. You need it and it’s likely that if you’re in the midst of this process, you’re going to feel tired.

Nourish Yourself

This is not the time to numb yourself with drugs or alcohol. Eat foods that nourish the body and mind.

Seek Out Knowledge

As you look in, also look outside. Research others who are going through similar things and how they’re coping. Find the tools that work for you.

Seek Counsel

You may find it helpful to go to professional counseling or get in touch with a spiritual advisor to support you.

Keep the faith that this will pass and that what you’re experiencing is worth confronting. The Dark Night of the Soul is full confrontation that we often avoid most of our lives. When you’re willing to stop and stand in front of it, you’ll be able to put it behind you shortly thereafter. This is a deep spiritual awakening and major growth. It is the beginning of a new spiritual journey and you have leveled up in your life. It is the process and the awakening. Philosopher Peter Wilberg has said this kind of healing isn’t identified with mental, emotional, or bodily recovery but more of a self-discovery. It is the birth of a newly felt sense of self.