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What the f*ck is self-love?

I love when people ask me that.

My response is always the same—it’s personal to you!

My personal definition of self-love is awareness; it’s being kind to yourself, trusting yourself, asking yourself for advice before you run to others. It’s trusting that you will not abandon or neglect yourself.

It’s being incredibly comfortable in your own skin.

I had a client yesterday who said to me, “I know my worth.” Hearing that just totally blew my mind, especially because she said it with full conviction.

I thought, holy sh*t! Do you know how hard it is for people to get there?

As I listened to this absolutely beautiful girl tell me exactly why she is worthy, I couldn’t help but think, my dear, this is exactly what self-love is.

Self-love is respecting yourself, never putting yourself in a situation that reflects less than. It’s consciously seeing yourself as a precious being who is worthy of everything you attract and bring into your life.

Self-love is a practice, a way of life, a way to just “be.”

That’s self-love.

What comes next is always this question: how do I get there?

I admit, that question is not so easy to answer because most of the time humans want a quick fix, an easy answer, something they can “do” to love themselves.

It doesn’t work like that.

When starting from ground zero, self-love is a process, a commitment, and again, a practice. We fall, then get back up again, and love ourselves harder the next time. It’s that kind of practice.

It’s being conscious and present as well as vulnerable and seen.

Self-love is accepting yourself “as is.” It’s admitting your faults and working to mitigate them as best you can. It’s treating yourself the way you expect others to. It’s setting expectations and boundaries around what works for you. It’s putting yourself first, knowing that no one else is going to do it. It’s loving every inch of your body despite its imperfections. It’s loving your mind, knowing that you are unique and different from others.

It’s standing out when you know you don’t fit in. It’s writing your own story and not letting others write it for you. It’s respecting yourself so much that you can’t imagine allowing anyone to hurt you, ever.

It’s fostering the relationship with that little person who lives inside you that for so long has been craving love, attention, affection, and protection.

It’s a place of being versus doing.

It’s a mindset.

It’s saying “f*ck off” to anyone who doesn’t bring you joy.

It’s drawing in the people who do.

So, the indirect answer is: flip the script, change your mindset, put yourself first, treat yourself kindly, and honor that little you.

Take yourself out on a date, start exercising, eat better, write in your journal, take a bath, have passionate sex with your lover, buy yourself those new shoes, take yourself on a trip, go away for a night, sit in silence and allow yourself to just feel, forgive those who have hurt you and who you have hurt, surround yourself in what you consider “beauty.” Have a quiet place to just be.

Accept and love yourself for exactly how you are, in this moment!

That is self-love.

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