Most people think of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as something that veterans have when coming back from war.  That probably is the most common cause of PTSD, but it can also be caused by a wide variety of other traumatic events, like car accidents, natural disasters, domestic violence, poverty or child abuse.

There are two types of PTSD – PTSD caused by a single traumatic event, and Complex PTSD, caused by living in a traumatic environment for a long period of time.  Symptoms may begin right away, or may take several months to show up.

When our bodies have stayed in a constant hyper-vigilant state, the fight or flight response becomes activated more easily. This is an evolutionary response to very real danger.

The factor that is the same in all of these situations is the chronic stress response, as well as re-experiencing of the trauma as though it was actually happening.

Diagnostic Criteria

According to the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) Post-Traumatic Stress is characterized by:

You were exposed to one or more event(s) that involved death or threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or threatened sexual violation. In addition, these events were experienced in one or more of the following ways:

• Directly experiencing the event
• Witnessing the event as it occurred to someone else
• You learned about an event where a close relative or friend experienced an actual or threatened violent or accidental death
• Experiencing repeated exposure to distressing details of an event, such as a police officer repeatedly hearing details about child sexual abuse

You experience at least one of the following intrusive symptoms associated with the traumatic event:

• Unexpected or expected reoccurring, involuntary, and intrusive upsetting memories of the traumatic event
• Repeated upsetting dreams where the content of the dreams is related to the traumatic event
• The experience of some type of dissociation (for example, flashbacks) where you feel as though the traumatic event is happening again2
• Strong and persistent distress upon exposure to cues that are either inside or outside of your body that is connected to your traumatic event
• Strong bodily reactions (for example, increased heart rate) upon exposure to a reminder of the traumatic event

Frequent avoidance of reminders associated with the traumatic event, as demonstrated by one of the following:

Avoidance of thoughts, feelings, or physical sensations that bring up memories of the traumatic event1

• Avoidance of people, places, conversations, activities, objects, or situations that bring up memories of the traumatic event
• How to Anticipate and Manage PTSD Intrusive Thoughts

At least two of the following negative changes in thoughts and mood that occurred or worsened following the experience of the traumatic event:

• Inability to remember an important aspect of the traumatic event
• Persistent and elevated negative evaluations about yourself, others, or the world (for example, “I am unlovable,” or “The world is an evil place”)
• Elevated self-blame or blame of others about the cause or consequence of a traumatic event3
• A negative emotional state (for example, shame, anger, or fear) that is pervasive
• Loss of interest in activities that you used to enjoy
• Feeling detached from others
• Persistent inability to experience positive emotions (for example, happiness, love, joy)

At least two of the following changes in arousal that started or worsened following the experience of a traumatic event:

• Difficulty concentrating
• Feeling constantly “on guard” or like danger is lurking around every corner (or hypervigilance)
• Heightened startle response
• Impulsive or self-destructive behavior4
• Irritability or aggressive behavior
• Problems sleeping
• Hypervigilance as a Symptom of PTSD
• Criterion F
• The above symptoms last for more than one month.

The symptoms bring about considerable distress and/or interfere greatly with a number of different areas of your life.

The symptoms are not due to a medical condition or some form of substance use. (DSM-5 PTSD Diagnostic Criteria (verywellmind.com))

If you think you may be experiencing PTSD, please consult your healthcare provider for a formal diagnosis.

My Experience.

As someone who was in an abusive relationship for years, I have cPTSD as well as from childhood issues.  Even though I knew that my relationship was crumbling the first time that he hit me, I tried to leave, and each time I did he convinced me to come back.  When I did, it corroded my self-esteem.  Many abusers will do all in their power to convince their victims that the abuse is their fault, and that they are treated badly because they deserve it.  This makes the victims feel blame and shame that often stops them from seeking help.

It can be very difficult to find help, but it is out there and it is possible.  For me, the time that I successfully left the abusive relationship was when I went to stay with a friend who took my phone.  She just quietly turned it off, and put it in the glovebox of my car.  That helped to break the cycle of abuse for me.

Every time I had left in the past, my ex would blow up my phone until I ended up answering because I couldn’t use my phone to call anyone else.  He would call over and over and over, so that my phone would ring constantly.  It was maddening.  He wore me down, with a combination of apologies, cajoling, and guilt trips to make me go back.

Some people might say that I was weak, and maybe I was.  The problem in our society is that victims of domestic violence are so often blamed for what happens to them.  It is easier for people to blame victims than try to help them.  If what is happening to you is your fault in their minds, then it absolves them of any responsibility.

I am forever in the debt of my girlfriend who helped me get away.  She was the first person ever to reach out a helping hand to me in years of abuse, even when I had previously asked for help many times and received none.  Having someone caring and compassionate made a huge difference in my life.

That is why I write about PTSD, to help break the cycle of violence and help other people to get help, and get into treatment.

Conclusion

Many women who have PTSD as a result of domestic violence never break the cycle. This is because we often don’t realize the beliefs about ourselves that cause us to get into those relationships in the first place.

Trauma can often be generational, because when we are in a place of trauma, we don’t parent our children the best that we could.

Healing is difficult. We have to work to rewire our brains, and to create new healthier thoughts and behaviors to replace the self-destructive patterns that we learned in childhood. This is difficult because when we see violence and invalidation as children, we think these are the normal ways that people behave.

We don’t look for a better life, or for better relationships, because we don’t know that they exist.

I am sharing my story to help anyone else who is suffering to break the cycle. If you, or anyone else you know, is considering suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. There is someone available for you 24/7.

Please know, help is out there! You don’t have to be alone, or suffer in silence!

For more on my story, check out my blog.  I have also written a short book, the Trauma Survivor’s Guide to Coping With Panic Attacks, to help other PTSD survivors who suffer from panic attacks.

Here is my video explaining why I wrote the book, and how it can help in your life.

If this post resonated with you, I would love to hear from you in the comments, and feel free to share on your socials as well.