A few thoughts went through my mind over these situations, which I think is of value to share with you this week. We have choices, even though often it feels we don’t.  When triggered, our natural response is to regress into a previous coping state and triggered stage in life.  The bigger the trigger, the younger we seem to go.

1.  Misunderstandings occur from definitional differences, in this case, our interpretation of med-rare vs the chefs.
2. Being a people pleaser and not being ‘seen’ as argumentive, dissatisfied or even ungrateful is a potentially dangerous trait.
3. Trusting others to do a task, deferring, delegating etc., potentially leads to disappointment but can create a fantastic outcome.

More I reflected on the week past; I could see communication patterns were assumptions, assumptions made by others, and me about others.

Interestingly, in both scenarios, I took on the outcome’s responsibility (in my head).  Is this appropriate, or is it a part of my conditioned patterning and over responsibility trait learnt early in life.   I think it is a hangover effect.

Magic can happen if we are open:

• Noticing the red flags and changes in our thoughts, feelings and body reactions.  Increasing Self-Awareness
• Stop, reflect and re-direct with the self-awareness, consider the ‘truth’ of the dialogue the Ego-brain is giving.  Is it true, as in always? Is it a pattern, or are you experiencing something different that makes sense to be triggered?
• Practice mindfulness and change stance This takes conscious effort but is certainly a worthwhile practice.  (there is a podcast episode on mindfulness)
  • See the scenario without judgement. Yes, it is happening.  Yes, you are feeling these feelings. No, they are not you; they are chemical changes in the body in response to the situation and triggers.  No, they do not define your true self –  a human making a human error without malice, or revenge, simply an error.  
  • The feelings and interpretation others create is not your responsibility; how they interpret, give meaning to and feel in response/reaction is their choice. Sit with this for a bit, or as long as you need to.  
  • Our responsibility is our behaviour, communication style, character and duty of care; their side starts at the meeting point.   If we have performed to the best of our ability at the time, with the resources we had access to, considering our beliefs and patterns, then great. Yes, I was doing my best in the state of anxiety and void spots in my brain.   As soon as I realised, I attempted to amend the situation.
  • With new self-awareness, insight of patterns, triggers and gaps, inability/strategy/skill etc., it is our responsibility to address, heal and shift them.
  • The act of Self-care includes learning, adjusting and developing ways of being that reduce stress, increase the flow of love and inter-relating from a relaxed, loving space.  Achieving this includes healing past hurts, learning/practising life skills that facilitate peace, ease and confidence with competence.  It also means seeing ourselves in the best possible light at all times through the lens of self-compassion.  Learning takes time and practice!  Give yourself permission to commit to the process and grow.
• Celebrate the small and big growth points with gratitude.  It takes courage to admit our ‘faults’, as the mind likes to call gaps.  Interestingly, our culture isn’t big on seeing growth and change, let alone celebrating the small, everyday wins.  We focus on and celebrate ‘hard earned’ degrees, long hours, life-compromising experiences etc., yet, ignore the simple yet challenging moments.  For instance, getting table numbering right when one struggles, increasing confidence to converse with strangers, or getting out of bed earlier because the black dog is sitting outside the house that morning and not on the bed.    See all that is, with gratitude, for it is ourselves that are doing the work. NO ONE is doing the inner work and learning for us.