Once upon a time there were two females, who fell deeply in love. They had 7 beautiful children. Four biologically belonged to one mother; three biologically belonged to the other. All 7 children were born from previous marriages. One day they decided to live all together in a small, cramped house as one beautiful blended family and they lived happily ever after.

EDIT: Not.

Less than 10 months later, one partner packed up her belongings, her 3 children and left.

Between meltdowns, custody schedules, teen shenanigans, sharing bedrooms and two opinionated, boisterous, bossy, independent women sharing one kitchen, it was a recipe for disaster. The idealistic blended family picture was BUST.

Yet three years later, here we are – me, leaning back into my partner’s arms as we watch our  teens and tweens hang out for family night in the living room. Movie watched, dinner put away, kids swapping stories, laughing, teasing and generally just enjoying each other’s company.

Yep. This family is my family. It is large, bold, untraditional and wonderful. We are now two females with 7 children, living in 2 houses in 2 different towns, 10 minutes apart. We homeschool and raise our children together. And separate. Tears well up in my eyes as I think- how did we ever get here?

The answer came in the form of a Buddhist concept called Radical Acceptance (… and a LOT of therapy). Radical acceptance is when you stop fighting reality, stop responding with impulsive or destructive behavior when things aren’t going your way, accept things as they are and embrace the moment as it is.

After a few months barely speaking, my partner and I went for a walk to clear the air and discovered we were…ahem… still very much in love. Now what? We thought. The following are some things we needed to radically accept for us to allow the experience of joy we have today. We hope they help you too.

• Release the Shame of Having a Non-Traditional Family

It was difficult to accept that we were non-traditional. Despite understanding that we were a same-sex couple, we still strived to fit ourselves into the picture of what family should be, instead of just being who we are.

• Consider Alternative Living Arrangements

Once we realized living together wasn’t so great, we accepted that finding alternative living arrangements was a must. For us, 10 minutes apart works right now. But some days, it’s just too far.  In the future, we look to buying property together and having two houses on the same land or two houses connected in some way.

• Be a Collector of Fun, Positive Experiences

We are always on the lookout for fun, positive experiences that we can share collectively. Things we’ve done in the past include bonfires, river tubing adventures, family board game nights, hikes, and vacations.

• Accept That the Kids Will Not Necessarily Share Extended Family

Our extended family ranges in their acceptance of us and their comfort level of engagement. We let them decide. Some grandparents accept all children and we spend oodles of time with them. Others grandparents just spend time with one set. Sometimes I attend a party with my partner and her kids for a cousin of theirs and leave mine at home or vice versa. Some cousins we share, if they all get along.

• Let Children Be As Involved or Uninvolved As They Want

This one was hard for us. But my therapist was adamant that the way for kids to come around was invite, invite, invite and respect their wishes when they opt out. But she was right. The more fun, positive experiences we had with only some kids, the more the kids who stayed behind would be enticed to come next time.

• Starting New Traditions

Because the kids all had their set traditions during holidays, we decided to add new ones that didn’t interfere. We celebrate the Solstices all together, but Christmas separate. We throw a kick ass Halloween party, but trick or treat in different towns. This allows space and freedom for everyone to be heard and valued.

• Alone Time

Since we don’t live with each other, making alone time is a priority. We start our day together every morning with a sunrise walk and coffee. We have date nights and get-aways and we always wish each other sweet dreams before bed.

Our life, once we accepted it as it was, continues to amaze us. It’s only the insidious comparison to a beautifully controlled ideal (that doesn’t exist), that made us seem insufficient. Once we let go of that and said YES to an imperfect life, we were able to savour the moment, which led to another moment and another which has led us to a beautiful, messy BLENDED life.