Twas a Christmas Eve my kids still remember. My sister had abdicated her duties as a mom again, and there were 3 kids ages 3-8 cutting up the fool.

We lived on Eager Street in Mount Vernon. Great house, 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and most importantly, 2 sets of steps. It was those steps that were pissing me off the most on the night before Christmas.

Most Christmas Eve’s found my kids in bed, sleeping peacefully as they awaited the arrival of Santa. By my sister leaving my niece unattended, my kids decided they would lose their minds and act as she did. Like little brats.

Try as I might, I could not get into the Christmas spirit. Who would with all the laughing, screaming and running throughout the house? Finally, I did what we used to do in the old days. I beat three asses and put them to bed.

Christmas spirit blown, no amount of eggnog, nor holiday music lifted my spirits. In fact, the more gifts I wrapped, the more pissed off I got.

Finally, full blown, a devious idea entered my mind. Now all I needed to complete it was a brown paper bag and a sharpie. After finding my tools, I got to work, cleaned up my room and went to bed, exhausted and satisfied.

Christmas morning came with 2 of the 3 children in tears. My two. My niece was in her mom’s room and unfortunately, out of my control. But my two got a Christmas they still talk about.

As they both ran in my room, boo hooing to beat the band, all they wanted to know was why Santa did not leave them their gifts. As if they did not know…

Here is what they received:

I used the brown paper bag to write two notes from Santa.
The note to my son was simple and to the point. It said “You know who the fuck Santa is. Now you read your sister her note from Santa.”
Her note read:
Dear Little Girl,
I had to beg your mom to allow me to leave you just ONE gift for Christmas. She told me how awful you have been this year, but especially last night. I am really sorry, but this is all you will get this year.
Signed,
SANTA.

Talk about two contrite and apologetic children. They were angels all day long. Unfortunately, it would have taken far more work to return their gifts so I doled them out over the week. They had most of them by New Year’s Eve.

However, in my defense I will say I never, EVER had another issue with them on Christmas Eve. When they acted out during the year, I would remind them of their brown paper notes from Santa.

It worked like a charm!

Merry Christmas!