Attractiveness, like our taste in everything, is pretty subjective.

Thankfully, every single human is attractive to someone.

Many of us think we’d like to be more attractive, but wishing to be more “conventionally” attractive than we are is misplaced—because it doesn’t take into account how hard life can be for people who are endowed that way.

Seriously.

Drop-dead gorgeous will always find it harder to know whether people genuinely like them for who they are or have just projected a desired identity onto them (like people do with celebrities), or even think of seducing them as some kind of challenge or a way to prove something.

There are also people out there who hate anyone who they think is more appealing than themselves, even to the extent of wanting to harm them.

One thing is certain—if we try to change ourselves to match other peoples’ values or expectations so that they’ll be “attracted” to us, it’s doomed to failure.

We can spend the rest of our lives pretending to be someone we’re not in that search for approval, but that only leads to depression and a wasted life.

But if we dare to be ourselves, we’ll meet people who respect and appreciate us for who we are (and vice versa). Being honest takes true courage, and it’s an attractive quality to everyone except weaker people (male and female) who will envy and resent us for being that brave.

They are likely to only be attracted to people they think can be easily pushed around and manipulated—let’s make sure that’s not us!

Most of the women I know are attracted to men who are sure of and connected to their own masculinity—it’s an important part of that polarity between male and female that draws people toward each other.

But each of us men have the right and the capacity to decide for ourselves what “manliness” means to us. The quality that I most associate with, and one that I aspire to myself, is living in a way that is true to my own values, beliefs, and character. For me this is the essence of “charisma”—that magical and almost irresistible quality of attractiveness that is so special because of its rarity.

Keep in mind that a man living his own unique truth may not appeal to people who have been brainwashed into believing a man should only be a certain, limited way. However, when we meet a sincere person whose values are in harmony with ours, we will be on the road to strong, mutual attraction and the best possible type of love relationship.

After taking part in many men’s groups and talking to friends, I realized that—I’m sorry to say—penis size still seems to be the main concern for many men when it comes to rating their own attractiveness.

By the way, all men should know a lot of that unnecessary anxiety about size comes from the fact that when we look at our own from above, it always seems smaller than it is because of the foreshortening effect. But even if a penis is “smaller than average,” that has no bearing on how much pleasure it can bring the owner or their lover.

All the women I’ve met have been much more interested in what the man behind it is feeling and doing than its physical dimensions.

And when it comes to making love, any woman will tell you, “Only sighs matter!”