In order to go deep into a sexual relationship, we first need to explore one of the biggest things that pulls us into relationships in the first place: attraction. What is attraction? We might think of attraction as something that draws people, places, or activities to us. And that’s one way to look at it. It’s also what draws us to partners and an exploration of ourselves and others. Attraction is like a magnet, in that opposites attract. Often what we are attracted to in someone else is something we need more of in ourselves, and vice versa. An explosive attraction can mean that there are multiple ways in which we are matched and can help balance each other. These can sometimes be the most complex relationships of all, and often the most rewarding.

Remember to approach this subject from a place of non-judgment and allow whatever comes up from your past or present to surface for processing. Staying out of judgment can allow us to be objective and release emotion around past relationships, freeing us to move forward to attracting better ones.

And of course, what and who we’re attracted to can change over time.

Do you remember what you attracted and were attracted to when you were younger and how that changed as you grew up?

Savannah: One of my boyfriends was very nice but really vanilla. And there’s nothing wrong with vanilla – some people like vanilla, but I was more into chilli-chocolate at the time. He was good in bed, but very inhibited. Like, he turned down blowjobs. He was very sweet, steady, and a genuinely nice guy. However, I was craving something spicier. And another boyfriend was the total opposite, batshit crazy, dangerous, exciting and very sexual. He taught me to play, but there was a definite lack of respect, plus he cheated on me with a dozen other people. Thankfully, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve progressed into being attracted to men who respect me. You could say I’ve upgraded to Kings rather than Knaves. It was all about learning myself, knowing my desires and owning my self-worth.

Just as what we’re attracted to changes over time as we evolve, how we relate to ourselves sexually also evolves. Lady Queens, we encourage you to join us in exploring our feelings and desires as we relate to sex in our past experiences. It’s worth taking the time to explore and journal about our memories – our first sexual memory, our ideas about sex growing up, our first sexual experience, sex with our first significant partner, and how sex has changed over time. Sex will probably mean something different to us in our 40s than it did as a teenager. Let’s also look at our current relationships and what we get from sex now. As we explore these experiences, it’s important we be aware of what sensations we have coming up about this topic, and where in our body we are feeling them. Journal through all of it and see what comes up. Any icky or uncomfortable feelings are a sign that there is more to explore, and we need to dig deeper. No glossing over – showing up for ourselves in this way opens us to way more pleasure moving forward.

Lady Queens, sexual healing is about finding peace with ourselves, neutralising emotional charges and making friends with all the delicious parts of us. Especially the parts we either try to ignore, pretend are non-existent or are ashamed of. These parts can be obvious, but more often they are hidden, which is why radical truth is so important, otherwise, those icky emotions fester under the surface, like emotional pus. Once we squeeze it out, we will feel so much better…it may sound gross, but it’s true. The squeezing out of the pus is the honest exploration and journaling. Once it’s out, we are able to heal.

We’ll leave you with that delightful visual!

Stay connected, juicy, and playful, and we’ll see you next time.

Love, Savannah and Teany