3.5
January 26, 2022

I Don’t have it “All Figured Out” & that’s Okay.

Something I am learning deeply right now is that everything exists—and everything is meant to.

I am feeling deeply for the loss of things that I once thought of as normal or uncomplicated, not complex like they are now—like traveling, seeing people I love, and going out with friends.

I am also feeling deeply for the child-like mind that once thought that, as an adult, I would have it all figured out by now, but I don’t.

Really, I only have experiences, wisdom, compassion, kindness, and knowledge to help me “figure it all out” when the time arrives.

Life is so tragic, but it is also magic. Life is lonely and wholesome. Life is so empty and full. Life is so full of judgment and so full of nourishment. Life is so full of shame and so full of compassion. Life is so full of pain, yet so full of love.

Last night, as I struggled with the way 2022 is beginning, the yearning to see my Australian family and friends, and the dreaming of answers for some things I cannot know yet and must wait to unfold, my daughter came to me and said, “It’s okay, Mom. Come and sleep with me. You are not your thoughts, and you are not the thoughts of those who judge you. You are my amazing mom. No one is perfect, and you are doing great. I love you. You can have a bad day with me and you will still be awesome.”

And in the midst of life that is so full of everything is that ray of shine, that sparkle of hope, and that beat of strength and love. Life is so full of everything.

Sending love to you all as 2022 starts and hoping that amongst it all you find moments of love that remind you it is all worthy—and you are worthy.

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