What makes a person sexy?

Is it all about the physical: bulging biceps, nice curves, or a heavy bank account?

Probably not. (Although those things don’t hurt.)

Oftentimes, it’s the simple things—both physical and emotional—that set off a spark. Because let’s face it: being sexy is not a one-way street.

Nicole and I have put together a short list of what we find sexy in a potential partner. These are our personal thoughts, but we’d love to hear your list in the comments.

James’s List: 15 Sometimes-Overlooked Attributes I find Sexy in a Woman:

1. The natural look: Nothing is sexier than a woman in her natural look. However, this requires loads of self-confidence. And in today’s world, we all know that’s in short supply.

2. A nice smile: For me, it’s more about the sincerity and genuineness behind a smile than having perfectly aligned, white, sparkling teeth.

3. A good pair of jeans: One of the most important things in a woman’s wardrobe is a good pair of jeans that fit just right. There’s a level of confidence that translates to sexiness when a woman rocks the perfect jeans.

4. Tenderness: It can often seem that women come into this world factory-fitted with a tender heart. I don’t know about all that, but I do know that a woman who can be soft and vulnerable is sexy as hell.

5. A sense of humor: Maybe this should have been number one. Being able to laugh, and make me laugh, is what knits everything together, for without it, even the sexiest woman loses her charm.

6. Body confidence: A woman who owns her body, her curves, her scars, and her stretch marks (or tiger stripes) is a woman who embodies sexiness.

7. A vast knowledge of music: What do you call a woman who knows the lyrics to all your favorite songs and knows how to pick a good record from her physical or digital music collection? Hello, sexy.

8. A good singing voice: I love singing, and I also love a woman who can hold a note with me.

9. Quality penmanship: Writing by hand is a skill. Unfortunately, some people, including me, write like squirrels. A woman who has her penmanship locked down is pretty badass.

10. Loyalty: If loyalty isn’t sexy, I don’t know what is.

11. An adventurous spirit: A woman who is open to trying new (and healthy) things and experiences is someone I want to spend my time with.

12. An independent streak: A woman who can care for herself understands the power and responsibility that comes with independence. And a woman who has the courage to go after her goals oozes sexiness.

13. A gracious heart: The ability to express gratitude is highly underrated. It tells you more about a person, regardless of gender, than anything else.

14. Bakes a mean banana bread: This is a special entry because I love food. More specifically, I love banana bread, so baking skills count as sexy in my book.

15. Multilingual: It takes quite a bit of effort to learn a language: patience, dedication, humility, endurance, vulnerability, and intelligence. Knowing all this, I find women who can speak multiple languages incredibly attractive.

Nicole’s List: 15 Sometimes-Overlooked Attributes I find Sexy in a Man:

1. Smells good: Good hygiene is important. Period. It shows that a man takes care of himself. And when a guy wears a bit of good cologne—damn (just so long as it’s not overbearing; everything in moderation)! It’s also super-hot when his scent lingers on his sweatshirt, or mine.

2. Has a beard or some stubble: This obviously depends on a woman’s personal taste, but I love a guy with a beard or some stubble. I guess it makes a man look more mature, more masculine. Also, growing a beard and maintaining it takes patience and self-care, meaning he will probably have enough patience for me (I’m joking…maybe).

3. A winning smile: Some women, myself included, are weak for a cute smile. A guy who smiles comes across as more approachable, empathetic, and positive. Bonus points for a nice set of pearly whites. A nice smile is probably one of the first things I notice in a man, and I actually prefer a nice smile over a beautiful set of eyes.

4. Self-confidence: Confidence is hot. I’m talking about core confidence, not confidence that is built on material possessions, expensive cars, or humongous biceps. I’m talking about the kind of confidence where I’m out with a bunch of friends and hit it off with a guy from the group and he asks me if I want to go for a drink one evening. That shows confidence, even if he is actually feeling quite afraid to ask. The truth is everyone feels scared sometimes but taking action despite our fears takes guts. Confidence takes practice, so remember, we’re all learning!

5. A great dancer: A man who likes to dance isn’t afraid to let loose. He comes across as a bit more adventurous and sensual. Also, if we’re going out for the night, it’s a lot more exciting to go with someone who’s willing to have a bit of fun than someone who is just going to sit in the corner all night.

6. A good cook: I’m not into the “sits on the sofa and waits for his girlfriend to make him a sandwich” kind of guy. A guy who can cook is a guy who knows how to put effort into things. There isn’t anything more romantic than having my partner cook me a nice meal. It shows off his more nurturing side, and he gets bonus points in my book if he knows how to bake.

7. Can make me laugh: A man who can make me laugh is worth a dozen. Funny guys can make awkward moments not-so-awkward and make difficult days feel not-so-difficult. They are also probably more likely to get on well with my friends and family. Life doesn’t need to be taken so seriously all the time, which is why I feel more comfortable around a guy who knows how to take a joke or two.

8. Likes animals: I’m an animal lover, so being with a guy who doesn’t like or care for animals wouldn’t work for me. I think when a guy likes animals, it shows a level of kindness. It shows he can be affectionate and caring. And if a guy doesn’t like dogs, well my first instinct is “I don’t trust you!”

9. Enjoys moving his body: I like a man who exercises. Yoga, going for long walks, biking, running, lifting—doesn’t matter, really. If we can enjoy a form of exercise together, even better. And he doesn’t need to be the most muscular guy at the gym to get me; if he’s showing up for himself by spending some time every day moving his body, that’s hot. It just shows he knows how to care for himself.

10. Is good with children: This is just adorable. No further explanation needed.

11. Loves to read: Women like intelligent men, and reading is strongly correlated to intelligence. I think a man who reads often has more interesting and meaningful things to talk about. And I’m all about intellectual stimulation.

12. Has good manners: This is the most basic requirement. Because good manners don’t cost a thing, bad-mannered people are just a major turn off to me, full stop. A well-mannered man makes a great first impression and also makes for more enjoyable company. For example, talking down to a waiter is a huge no-no. And good manners also include treating me with respect at all times. If a guy is making cruel, rude, or not-so-funny jokes about you in front of your friends or his, run for the hills.

13. When he wears a white shirt with the top two buttons undone: There’s just something about a guy in a crisp, white shirt. It looks smart, stylish, elegant—timeless. Ooft!

14. The way he talks: Accents. Guys with accents are hot. I personally have a weakness for guys with Italian, French, and British accents.

15. A good listener who knows how to communicate: I probably should have put this as my number one. A guy who listens, who pays attention to what I’m saying, is a must! But so is a man who’s good at communication—a man who expresses when he is hurt and tries to fix things rather than playing the silent treatment game.

These are the traits we find sexy. So, what’s on your list?

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