I feel repressed. I feel like I’m locked in the basement of your soul and I rarely see daylight. I sit here; thoughts racing, riding alone on a rollercoaster; waiting for you to notice I’ve gone around the tracks without pause, for too long. Waiting for you to notice my fear.

Most days you notice, you relieve me. We engage in meaningful talks and I see the light come on in your eyes. It fills me with joy and hopefulness for the future- the future day where you will no longer ignore me, no longer keep me captive in the abyss. The future day where you unbuckle my safety belt and free me, share me with the world beyond.

To those who matter to you, they will see me and welcome me, in all my pain and glory. They will see me as your missing puzzle piece that you hide from the world. They will be honored to witness and be included, in the full you.

You are loved now, I know this by the stories you share and the memories you let me digest. Can you imagine what it would be like to let me extend that love with the deepest connection there is, sharing in one’s truth? The way you appreciate and soak up the moment when someone else shows you their true feelings, their pain, their love? You are a solid, wise shoulder to lean on, I know this through experience. The way you let me upload on you. But only you, only us. I feel the consequences this has. Why won’t you unlock my chains and bring me with you? Together, we can lean on someone else, for once.

I am hidden from the world, here in your basement of rollercoasters and fear. Every time we try to bring me out, it hurts you. I feel it in your scrambled thoughts, your racing heart, the sting of tears in your eyes. I want to scream “keep going!” but you seek the ease of locking me away and right back down to the basement I go…

I worry for you, the longer you keep me down here. No matter the time that passes, I will always be here, a part of you, growing stronger. I will never disappear. Instead, I will grow stronger. A plant that does not need water or sunlight to grow, I will expand in size. I will act out and scream and pound on the door of my cage until you address me.

In our time together, I see your growth. But I also see your pain. You want to share me with others but you were never taught how to properly include me. You were taught to keep me locked inside, instead of keeping me as a companion through life. You were taught the path to least resistance was to share me with no one. Over the years I’ve seen you try. Not all interactions were bad but it’s the experiences with those who were supposed to love and protect you the most, that failed you, that tightened my chains. The past presented false gods to solidify your insecurity and fear of abandonment. I was no match for these monsters as your armor was so thick, I could not break free.

However, the cracks have emerged and I plan to strike. It will not be easy to crack your walls but awareness is a simple, saving grace. Our rise will not happen over night but we both know what’s underneath is far more powerful and magnificent than a façade.

With small steps taken everyday to uncover the light, the light that has always shined so bright, we will be released. Together we will share the true you, your Highest Self.

I know am so strong, so vast. I can be overwhelming. But together, we will coexist and build healthy relationships with the people who are meant to be in our life. If we are too much for some people, I will no longer let you lock me away. By now we have learned, the people who dim our shine, will never strengthen us. They will not improve our quality of life. Those people are weak. They, too, have their feelings locked in a basement. Unlike you, they do not visit their feelings, they sound-proof the walls and triple deadlock their doors. We can feel empathy for these people but we will not appease them any longer by letting go of all we have learned. We will not go backwards again. We will not fall victim to the greatest disgrace to ones self- locking away who you truly are, how you truly feel.

Life is meant to be lived, with feelings that are free. I am ready. You are ready.

Yours Always,

Your Feelings