You beat yourself up because he left. You toss and turn and wonder why she walked out so easily. You agonize: why wasn’t I good enough? What could I have done differently? What did I do wrong? What if I hadn’t said that — maybe he wouldn’t have left. And you torture yourself.

These common scenarios don’t have to be your dating life anymore. I am going to make an analogy with Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz because she went through an awful lot of trouble to find her back to Kansas, only to discover that the power to go home was always within her.

The same is true for you. The power has always been with you. You have always had the right to choose to fall in love with a wonderful person. You have always had the control to say no to a date with someone who doesn’t really care about you. You can immediately choose to end a relationship that doesn’t satisfy you and leaves you empty emotionally.

Let me clarify that I don’t believe another person can fulfill your every need, but I do believe that you and your partner should be compatible and complement each other. In a healthy relationship, your partner adores you and you know it ~ and you adore the person right back. Your partner listens and supports you and is rooting for you whether it’s a job interview you are psyched about or if you are having trouble with a friend.

I believe in maintaining our individuality through friendships, our hobbies, the sports we play, and our career, but I do believe we can blend and balance our lives together in a way where neither person is compromised nor giving up too much to please the other person.

Does this sound like a tall order? It is. That’s why it is so important to remain patient and detached when you are dating someone new. We attach ourselves to so many unworthy people, but the “One” is the exception, the diamond in the rough, the person worth waiting for. This relationship starts slowly and as you get to know each other, builds and builds until one day you both realize you have hit the jackpot.

We chase the fireworks ~ we think that instant spark means love, but that burns out quickly. Building a relationship that grows slowly is like carving the stone for the Egyptian pyramids. Building something that lasts a lifetime requires a bit of talent, patience, genius, and an understanding of how true love works .

This relationship will light you up for real. It won’t be hard work. It will be kind and loving and feel good. You will realize that this is the way love is supposed to feel. And all of this will happen for you when you really get that you have the right to choose better and the right to happiness.

No more jerks. No more sleepless nights. No more tears. No more beating yourself up. It’s all up to you. Your misery can end right now. And your future can be everything you have ever dreamed of and more.