Am I not deserving or something? Have I done something wrong, that’s out of my powerless control? By being in so much pain and requesting your overt, aggressive attention, have I committed a crime? Am I deluding myself by knowing that something just doesn’t add up here? Should I settle for a life of misery and being left out in the cold, to be in touch with reality with no one but myself and a few un-wanted abusive stragglers in tow?  Am I really that uncomely? Why do you pay so much attention to me while I’m not all there, yet abandon me when I’m finally ready, fully present and waiting? Is this verifiable misconstrusion? Have you made assumptions about me that I just can’t supersede because of my own faulty handicaps? Am I desperate, or simply rational? I used to have no problems finding you, until you believed in someone else more than me. Someone else who’s shifty eyes, and sketchy lies don’t deserve your time of day. Or are you too weak for me? Too scared to face yourself and I in perfect harmony, and instead would rather hide from yourself in perfect, passive aggressiveness instead? Why do you exist after what you’ve done willingly to me? Is it for me? For people like me? Or am I perpetually to be abandoned, left out in the cold and the dust, by your delusions? When I say delusion it’s hard to accept, your “believe everything you see” reality is so damn hardened. And frankly, so damn pathetic. I’m sorry you’re not a child anymore. I’m sorry you miss your Mommy, and your delusional mind. I’m sorry you can’t keep up with me without breaking. And I’m sorry that when you come back begging for sanctity and forgiveness, perhaps even on your death bed, or even in a moment of weakness, I’m sorry for not believing in you either. You fight a war, and then wake up to be abandoned, and then you’ll understand. Some day, beyond, in the words of Rumi, I’ll meet you there, beyond the fields of right and wrong doing, in that field. And then I might just politely say, no thank you, moving on, in to eternity, at least solely in touch with objective reality, and objective truth, by myself, an unconscious authentic verifiable true princess of the night. Namaste, sad and lonely brethren. Come to me willingly, and I shall forgive thee.