There are innumerable definitions of tantra and tantric sex. Some people say that “neo-tantra” is neither new or tantra. Methinks they are both right and wrong. Allow me to present how I think about tantra here.

Consider that sex is not tantric of itself. For me, tantra is an attitude and awareness of being fully present to the moment (whether you’re sexing, dancing, texting or sitting still).

Being tantric is living your divine nature at the surface of your expression. It is an acceptance of what is, an acceptance of the truth that is each moment. Living tantra is choosing an openness to life. This openness weaves into action, thought, emotion and no-thought. The more one deeply inhabits the moment, the more they are ‘tantric’. So when one brings tantra to sexing, it’s transformed into tantric sex.

Tantra is not imparted, rather it is awakened in the heart, similar to the way one candle lights another – an awakening of your own deep knowing. Tantra is each person’s birthright and it lives within. We all know intuitively that a spark of the Divine is inside us. The task, or Divine Invitation, is to feel and express this aspect of one’s soul at the surface.

My understanding continues to expand as I examine my choices and see the effect of grace in my life. I certainly do not mean to imply that being ‘nice’ is the only acceptable expression of love. Tantra welcomes freedom of play in both light and shadow realms. We can feel connection, power, excitement and arousal from playing on the edge of social or self-imposed norms. We don’t always have to be the ‘nice girl’ or the ‘good guy’ in order to please our Inner Judge. In fact, other parts of us may be thrilled when the Inner Judge is in recess!

A tantric attitude respects the sovereignty of each individual and allows consciousness to unfold according to each person’s need and in their own time. To the extent that I see myself as an eternal soul, I see all people in fellowship. We share a common creator and a common home and perhaps a common destiny.