We’re all familiar with alternate giving when it involves foot rubs, massage or more intimate touch. But, where is the rule that we always have to kiss simultaneously?

As a love coach, I often encourage people to incorporate alternate kissing into their sex play. Imagine your lover gently, slowly, sweetly kissing your heart, neck, face and mouth while you just soak in love and sensation without responding in kind. Do you think that you could be with those exquisite sensations and just remain still? There’s only one way to find out! (It is more difficult than one might think.)

A normal reflex is to kiss lips that are kissing your own, but try just allowing the experience of being kissed without an active response in the moment. Practice feeling just how much love and affection you are able take in. Can you feel this person’s loving attention in your heart? Notice if you get impatient or feel a need to give back. Without judging, can you allow yourself to simply remain in receptive mode?

It is a wonderful discipline to practice stillness as you allow yourself to be pleasured or showered in love. It is a great thing to grant a lover the joy of sexual creativity and devotional service.

It can be amazing to exchange breath without a physical kiss. Just hold your lips close and breathe. This can be deeply intimate and bonding. Neither person ‘takes’ from the other, but lets the breath of life be freely given. This is a way to deeply connect with each other’s life force and be in sync with the beautiful person you’re with.

Another fun and deepening exercise is to receive more actively. One partner is designated as the receiver. The receiver actively communicates what he/she/they like and what he/she/they want differently regarding touch. This play can encompass the entire body or just a specific area. Be clear with any boundaries or concerns before you begin.

Use positive phrasing as much as possible, such as “the pressure of your fingers is nice AND would you slow the speed for me?” Notice that “and” is a gentler and more positive word than “but” in this instance.

It’s more difficult than one may first think to receive without giving. And, it is oh so enjoyable and bonding. Practice feeling just how deeply you can let love enter your heart.