It is said that true honesty is not about telling someone else what you think of them, but being honest about your own motivations.

Every once in a while I come across a statement that describes how I want my intimate relationship to look and feel.

Here are some of the best:

Partnership Guiding Principles

Companionship without cling

Friendship without manipulation

Friendship over form

Love without conditions

Touch without obligation

Humor without sarcasm

Listening without judgment

Answers without shadow

Service without expectation

Support not suppression

Solutions over complaints

Acceptance without manipulation

Generosity over attachment

I review this list every once in a while and honestly critique my own behavior and motivations. I ask myself, ‘Do I love this principle?’ and, ‘Do I live this?’

I find the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono prayer useful to keep the focus on where I can have self-empathy vs. over-examining others.

I recommend Alanis Morissette’s song, “You Owe Me Nothing In Return” as it sings to a generosity of spirit and of being whole unto oneself.

Also, it can be helpful to speak the following words silently (or out loud) as a way of orienting to unconditional love and acceptance:

I honor you

I bless you

I release you